Does Your Love Story Need A Reality Check?

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” 

― Lisa Kleypas

I woke up this morning to a surreal image of love in my head.

L-O-V-E

This four letter, just a tiny four letter word has all the power in the world; practically it is the most unpractical emotion ever, and we all know it, love is outright ridiculous. But we all crave this emotion, in spite of knowing its repercussions.

So, when I was thinking and having a rather profound conversation on this strong emotion with people around me, I had this strange feeling that most of us, maybe most of us are setting ourselves up for a massive disappointment. And I would like to blame Literature for this. Yes, let me just thrust the sole blame on Literature and Fiction.

When women talk about love, all they need is a Fitzwilliam Darcy, and isn't it ludicrous that he is a fictional character? I mean, how fair is it to compare any average man with Mr Darcy? Cut the man some slack. I am glad that men do not read Jane Austen because no lady can match up to the wits of an Austen heroine.

Literature forms paints this ethereal and rosy image of love. You know the one, the perfect one, the Prince charming, the drool worthy vampire, Emma Wodehouse, and the metaphors that maybe, just maybe we forget that we live in a cynical world where the goodness of fiction is unavailable. I know, what a shame! Fiction and Literature have been messing up with our romantic lives since times immemorial and much to my chagrin, I find myself saying that Fiction is a fallacy. Quite a fallacy!

Can we all for a moment forget that there is a thing called Fiction and say this to ourselves, especially all the women out there who are smitten by Edward Cullen? (Hold your horses)

I look at this man, a man who is not a fictional character, he is noble but he has his off moments. He is imperfect. He is flawed in many million ways. He does not have blue eyes. He does not read out Pablo Neruda to me. He does not hold my perfectly manicured arm all the time and sing Bryan Adams to me all night. He does not function that way.

But he is there for me when I need him. He knows that I am a simple girl with a plateful. Hey, I do not need a man who can get me a Volvo like Edward Cullen. Not an Edward Rochester either. And when I find a man who loves me in the non-fictional way, I will hold on to him. And I know for a fact that I will open the Pandora’s Box. I do not want to run away from it and crave for a blue eyed boy. When I see this man, all I can think of is home. And I want to go home to him everyday.

Love is all about putting up with the whims and caprices and loving the idiosyncrasies of our partners in the most convenient ways ever.

Read fiction for the whole purpose of enjoying Literature delightfully. Do not dive into them so deeply that you do not own a story of your own. Why do you want to live a story written by some neurotic writer who wrote a story all because he has insomnia and was high on caffeine all night? Be the lead of your story and make your partner the hero. What is the point in living a life if all you need is a Darcy? Because no surprises there, he belongs to Elizabeth Bennet and erm, you are a non-fictional person, aren't you?

There are no free lunches in life. You need to meet your partner mid-way to make things work because this vile thing called love is worth all the pain and effort and this is not fictional.

So now, close your eyes and ask yourself, does your love story need a reality check?

(Disclaimer: I am a strong lover of Jane Austen's work and this is still an understatement.)

What Happens When You Date A Writer!

“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”

—Enid Bagnold

Have you ever wondered how it feels to date a writer? Fall in love so irrevocably it feels like a redemption from your rather insipid past?

When you are dating a writer, you might feel like you are with a person who is suffering with a multiple personality disorder. You can never predict what's going on in his head. Is it about the latest article that he has read or the insecurity he is experiencing about a fellow writer?

Dating a writer comes with its own pros and cons. You put up with his mood swings, his whims and caprices, and even when you feel like an outcast at times, you long for more. If a writer takes you into his life completely, he will write about you, everything about you. He will scandalize your lives. Your life becomes an open book and you find people criticizing your life. Very often! You can never escape that. A writer immortalizes you with every word. If you don't matter, he will never write about you. He is an emotional, aggressive, and a constructive lover. He loves you for all that you are but never forgets the blunders you make. They are forever engraved in his mind.

A writer is delusional. Many a time, you find yourself awake at wee hours of night exchanging tales about his day and the people he has met. You find him curling into a ball, wiping his tears when a book has a dramatic ending. You find him self absorbed, and you cannot fathom why you are so connected yet disconnected with this man whose days begin and end with words. And not you.

When you date a writer, you are up to date with all the happenings and affairs of the world. You share your tales with him, he will lend his ear amicably, and correct you often. It is for your own good, he says. Nobody's perfect at Grammar, he says. Yet you find him chastising you for not knowing the difference between your and you're. On rare nights, you see him consuming copious amounts of coffee, editing an article. Hold his arm, read his lines out, and give an honest opinion. But do not try to be an editor.

A writer may go into his cocoon but he will love you like no other. He will make love to you passionately and introduce you to the enchanting world of Pablo Neruda and Jean Paul Sartre. He is possessive and wouldn't let you be a part of another story. You belong with him and you know it.  

You find him easily disturbed even over the nitty gritty bits of a book. You call him demented. He laughs it away. There are moments when you wish you had a simple life like others. You want to run away from his nasty temper, yet find yourself enticed by his mysterious nature. He has an air of arrogance around him. You fancy it. Admit it!

"Why do you like that writer better than me? He is a misogynist." He runs his brown eyes over your lovely face, hoping for an earnest response.

You find yourself maundering. How can you possibly fight with your man for a writer who was dead decades ago. You smile. You fall for his tender childlike nature. He is on par with an infant when it comes to emotions. You take him into your arms and tell him how good a writer he is, softly appreciating his flair at weaving stories.

When a writer really loves you, he will show you his vulnerable side. For a moment, he will dismiss his wits, and take you into world that he proudly calls his kingdom -- a place where you truly belong. A place where he sits with a Hemingway's book on a worn out couch. He will never let go of you. You might let go of him, and drift away from him. But he will always remember you as a story that was left unfinished, and trust me, he will forever yearn for an ending for a writer believes in endings. Even if it is a tragic one.

His pen will ache for an ending. Always.