Friday, January 20, 2017

The Discomfort of Looking At You.

By Sunaina Patnaik at Friday, January 20, 2017

She kept counting till hundred to avoid the discomfort of looking at you.
With a daylight of difference between what you both were and what you both aren't,
With months of space between being in love and being broken by love,
And now with just a tiny, largely inconsiderable amount of distance from where you sat,
She found her thoughts fumbling and lips trembling.

The sound of your name and the familiarity of your scent did no good to her fleeting emotions. But she had to avoid the discomfort of looking at you.
So, she looked across the room to shift her focus and the broken heart from your twisting fingers. The girl on your side was having her wine with no little interest and the man beside her was struggling with his shoelace.
She counted 5 chairs, two inflated bean bags, and an unkempt bed sheet. There were bookmarks without any sight of books and a box of vinyl records without labels.
And then there was a flickering bulb and shattered pieces of glass from last night.
She always knew your friends were wild but you, you were different. You were the solace to her calamity and the silence to her chaos.
You never liked mess just the way you never knew how to make one.

Everyone around you knew she was regarding things in the room to avoid the discomfort of looking at you. Maybe you did too, but you chose to ignore it. Even when your eyes met, ephemerally. A lot of unsaid, unsavoury words hung in the air and more importantly, the luscious days of youth you spent together brought back flashes of memories she refused to revisit.

One hundred...One hundred and one...One hundred and two...
She kept counting without a pause to avoid looking at you.
But as she sat in this room with you, living and breathing the same air as you did,
She only hoped that she could rebuild her life on words, and this time, without you in between the lines.



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