Friday, August 19, 2016

Mother's Daughter.

By Sunaina Patnaik at Friday, August 19, 2016

I guess I was a four-year-old child when I first imagined being a mother was ultimately cool. When I was forcefully sent to school by my mother, I always assumed that all she did was stay home, watch TV, play with toys and basically have a gala time while I suffered at school. As I grew older, I understood and witnessed the amount of work my mother did with an ease that only she could pull off. It has been fourteen days since I’ve lost her and four days since I've started doing the household work along with my younger sister only to realize that stepping into the shoes of my mother is not just difficult, but also very stressful. I realized this as I had a breakdown in my office parking lot, today. However, as a four-year-old, I was still correct about the fact that being a mother is cool. I mean, who else can multitask so effortlessly?

I've been told that the loss of your mother practically paralyzes you for days and then, you are on your own, navigating the big mean world without a survival kit. Though I partly agree with it, I do not think a loss like that ends after a while. Colossal losses like this come in waves, overwhelming and drowning you every time they reach your shore. As a person who has been spoilt rotten by my folks, I find it rather impossible to waltz into the footsteps of a responsible adult overnight. Even more so, when I am dealing with pain and confusion. But then, I cannot refuse the change, can I? Such is the nature of human life. Despite losing a major chunk of your heart, you are constantly encouraged to move on with your life. To smile. To fight hard. To stay strong. My mother too was deeply strong. She had a way with her words and she used them only for good. Her joys were sedate ones too: filter coffee, a blooming rose in our garden, Telugu literature, and conversations with her youngest brother. But the problem with my mother was that she set an example too nice to even try and follow. She was never lackadaisical about anything. As a teacher, she carefully crafted and inspired many young minds and she was always particular about working hard and earning a true value for that work.

So when people are asking me if I really have the need to go back to work and attend work calls, I frankly have no better answer than this: She isn't here anymore but her dreams and her ambitions for me are here to stay. I am solely responsible for carrying them out, now and forever. This is an intensely fresh beginning for me and I am still figuring out how to be cool like her. But you know, I will figure it out eventually. Because I am my mother's daughter, after all.


rohan said...

i lost my dad when i was studying 8th grade. i din’t cry though everyone was crying,some people felt i don’t like my dad. actually am the closest one to my dad being youngest in my family, i felt happy when he died coz being honest, upright government official and a good human has made his life too stressful and he has gone through a lot all his life.finally he has found some peace far away from all those excessive responsibilities and i was ready to take his role as responsible son.i really really hate sympathy from others from my childhood.

when you love someone ,you will expect only good things for them whether its death or survival. but after his departure,life is not same.whenever a festival came every year,the whole hearted celebration was missing coz family is incomplete with his absence. after some time, you may go ahead with life but that magnitude of happiness will never return. home is just memories that will stay with us forever and we can never bring back that happiness again.only thing we can do is,do the best to keep your family safe and successful with all the intellect you have.till date my family didn't see downside cuz of my effort. that's all we can do and we can never bring back that happiness from past again.i believe whole-hearted happiness or happiness that is complete will disappear with age while losing loved ones one after another.

Singing to the song of life on 24 Aug 2016, 02:21:00 said...

Hi Sunaina

Love and hugs your way!I just can’t control my tears. May God give you the strength to live through this difficult situation.I must say, it’s great to see the way in which you want to channel your grief, you are really so strong and an inspiration for me. I so wish I can meet u someday.

Much love. Deepthi.

Sunaina Patnaik on 24 Aug 2016, 03:27:00 said...

@Deepthi: Thank you so much. And yes, why didn't our meeting happen yet? We planned it months ago.

Sunaina Patnaik on 24 Aug 2016, 03:40:00 said...

@Rohan: Honestly, I have no idea how to respond to your comment. No matter how difficult your father's life was, I am sure you weren't happy for his death. Are you just saying it because you are trying to convince yourself that it's not painful losing a parent in the disguise of saying he finally found a freedom from his tough life? With all due respect, I might want to say that you aren't (and weren't) happy about his death.

"we can never bring back that happiness from past again.i believe whole-hearted happiness or happiness that is complete will disappear with age while losing loved ones one after another."

I am sorry but I refuse to agree with this. Happiness, like most of the things in life, is self-created and self-destroyed. It doesn't disappear with age or anything of the sort. When a person dies, they leave behind a lot of wishes and responsibilities that are yet to be fulfilled. The ones who are alive must fulfill them instead of stop living a life.

But then, to each their own.

Thanks for visiting my space, Rohan.

Singing to the song of life on 1 Sep 2016, 01:39:00 said...

Hi gal! Hope you're doing good. We should catch up sometime soon. Do let me know your convenient time. Much love - Deepthi.

Sunaina Patnaik on 1 Sep 2016, 04:57:00 said...

Hey Deepthi. Let's take it offline. Ping me on Google chat.


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