I am having a horrible Sunday. There are so many things that are running through my head as I type this. I wonder if I am the only person who hates weekends. I wonder if I will ever be able to love the sunsets and Thursdays again. I wonder if I will ever be able to buy something and not feel guilty about over-spending. I wonder if I will ever be able to feel not so broken again. I wonder if I ever stop crying over songs that remind me of lost love, forgotten childhood, or memories that haunt me in the night. Things around me are changing. I am changing too. I really want someone to tell me that things, for better or worse, will transform into something amazing. I want to keep moving forward. I want the man I love to write me letters and read out his favourite poem to me. I want him to run his hands into my hair and tell me that things will be normal again. I want to be able to wake up in the midnight and write Haikus like before. I want to read every waking moment of my life. I want to pack my suit-case and visit places and leave something behind as I leave each place. I want to come home with souvenirs from every place. I want to cry when I want to, and not in the loo, trying to hide and mask my vulnerabilities. I want to be able to laugh when I find something really funny.
What I really want right now, on this rather sordid Sunday, is to eat ice-cream, read something amazing, count the stars and fall under the boundless sky full of hope. Tomorrow is going to be better.
I am going to make it better.
