SUNDAY SUNDAZE.

When I was a teenager, I terribly wanted to be treated like a grown-up. When I was fifteen, I wanted grown-ups to appreciate me for the kind of books I read instead of treating me like a kid. When I was sixteen, I wanted them to ask me for music suggestions than treat me like a clueless teenager. And when I was seventeen, I could not wait for my eighteenth birthday. To be eligible to vote and to be officially entitled to do all that I ever wanted. When I turned eighteen, I would shove it in everyone's faces that I was an adult. Every time, I had an argument with my parents, I would strictly tell them that I was eighteen and that they cannot talk to me in an indifferent tone.

Clearly, I could not wait to grow up. Clearly, I did not realize being an adult would be only about buying brilliant pairs of clothes and shoes while trading the little joys of life. Clearly, I was quite signing myself up for a grand disappointment.

At 24, I am doing things that I should have done as a teenager. I read Young Adult fiction and enjoy it. I watch sappy teenage drama and sitcoms of the like. I mean, being an adult might not be as bad as it sounds, but being 17 was a lot merrier. At 17, you are spoilt for choices in myriad ways. Something that being an adult doesn't offer you on a silver platter, and the worst part is you want to behave like you are still seventeen. Reckless, with no responsibilities and lead a life where you don't have to think twenty times before you act.

On the contrary, I was rather organized as a teenager. I was one of those geeks who finished college assignments on time and did things with a conviction that 24-year-old Sunaina hasn't mustered yet. I had all these amazing plans that I would wear only black and white formals to work as an adult but I wear Spongebob and Batman merchandise often. What's worse? I hated Taylor Swift as a teenager, but these days, I listen to her more often than I should.

I could go on and on with this list, and there will be no end because what the hell, I am Benjamin Button-ing!

Wow.

What's Wrong With Life, Ya?

What began as a rather annoying morning turned into quite a retrospection.

My driver decided to bunk yet another day and I was forced to take a cab. I am not a chatty person when I am on my way to work but much to my chagrin, I ended up having a conversation with the cab driver who was a little more than what he seemed. With an MBA degree in hand, he was speaking impeccable English but chose to drive a cab as it paid him more. In fact, it paid him a lot more than what I imagined. Weird! While I was thinking his job was way more lucrative than mine, he said he envied me for doing what I really wanted to do. I brushed it aside saying the grass is always greener on the other side.

Of course I had no reason to envy him. My job is really good, and I get to write what I want, and this is exactly what I hoped for ever since I was a kid. But our minds are weird. We always want more, crave for the unattainable, and in this process, never experience the happiness of the present.

I saw a beautiful couple laughing and taking a ride on a Vespa that reminded me of sunshine and poppy seeds for some bizarre reason. My mind drifted into a train of thoughts again. When was the last time I was that happy? When was the last time I did not care about the wind in my hair? When was the last time I was on a bike? I don’t know. It must have been days. I am afraid, months.

Let’s talk about parents for instance. They think marriage is the universal solution to every problem on Earth. I mean, on one hand, while I am failing miserably at deciding what I want for breakfast, on the other hand, mother confuses you with who you should be with. Sweet life. Just so you know mom, a person who cannot choose breakfast has no right to get married and spoil someone else’s breakfast.

Is it just me or it happens with you all too? Does your heart want one thing when your brain wants an entirely different thing altogether? Are you generally torn between the matters of heart and brain, and assume, always assume that the lives of others are better than yours?

Because, this happens with me quite often.

To simply sum it up, we are 24. We are not getting any younger. Hangovers hurt. Meetings seem endless. Coffee replaces lunch. Nights seem dreadful, and mornings seem bleak.

I make myself another cup of coffee, and take a closer look at my life. What’s wrong with my life? I have a decently well paying job that makes me look forward to Mondays, friends that travel across the seas to come meet me, peers that respect me, and books that bring out the joy in me. If there’s any consolation, I love clothes and shoes, and I have closets full of them. Still, all these things are just alright, okay? I mean, you can think I am mad and all that, but I lack peace of mind. And that, I cannot buy with a Mastercard.

Sigh. Such is life.

Unfortunately, I have no conclusion for this post. I might find one soon though.

P.S. Tomorrow if I wake up and cannot put words on paper, I swear I am turning into a cab driver.

What? It pays more than just bills.