But, Where Am I Heading?

I've been totally slacking off my blog and my writing (except the ones that pay) for days now and Pokemon Go must be blamed for it. Just when I figured the game isn't working and it won't for a long time, I imagined I would nicely slip back into my regular routine of life. However, I am distracted with Gilmore Girls. The list is endless, I could find tons of things that could distract me from my lofty and otherwise amazing goals. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing with my life. Or to be more precise, where my life is heading towards. I think about it often. Especially on the nights when my Wifi doesn't work.

The past few weeks have been spent in a hurry, I cannot recollect a single thing that I have done without rushing. It has been all overwhelming and with so much going on, I am still clueless as to where I am heading with my life. The whos, the whats, the hows, the whys - I am just trying to get around with all these things. Sure, the attempts and mostly feeble and futile, nevertheless, I am still trying to understand the core of what I am trying to create with my life.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a ballerina donning tulles wherever I go. I wanted to be a person who tells stories to people around me. I wanted to be an archaeologist because I figured it would be fun to be one. I had a harmonica when I was five and I played it so terribly that people around me hoped they'd die. That did not stop me from wanting to be a harmonica player. Backtracking my childhood, it doesn't come as a surprise to me that I wanted to be a lot of things. It kind of made me very happy that I was interested in a bunch of cool things. As I grew older, a certain sort of weariness and introspection took over me. I took the time to understand that I did not want to be an engineer. Nor did I wanted to do an MBA I slogged years for. I just wanted to write, be close to writing, but now that I am doing that already, people ask me if this is all I want to do or if there's more to it. And there, that sends me into a tumultuous frenzy. Because I do not truly know if there is more to my life than writing? Or if my life is heading anywhere except towards that.

Like I said, I am still not sure of what I'm doing with my life. Yet, whatever I am doing right now, it makes me feel very alive. If you know what I mean? It makes me laugh, it makes me cry and more than a million times, it makes me question my sanity and threshold levels. But for all intents and purposes, the lack of clarity is making me enjoy the moment. Even when I am suffering.

So, what did I say when I started? That I wasn't sure where my life is heading towards? Well, we shall see that it fetches a closure, soon.

P.S. Here’s something that I got published, last week:

Yay! Another One.

Happy reading. Toodles!