It was 6 AM. The sun rays were playfully dancing on the contours of her face. She cupped her face and turned her back towards the window. She did not want to get out of the bed. She did not want to face the world. She wanted to stay still in the comfort of her room. She felt the pain filling up at the pit of her stomach and anxiety creeping up her spine. She dolefully wiped the stray tear on her left cheek. She dragged herself across the room to sit in front of the mirror to notice the bags under her eyes, her otherwise big brown eyes.
"A long indulging bath would help," she murmured, "it helped yesterday. The day before. And for months." She took turns to run lukewarm water and cold water on her. She loved how the hot water soothed her after the cold water. That's how life is, she mused to herself. The warmth always saunters after the piercing cold leaves.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror flattening her hair. She took her sweet time to apply her favourite mousse to her hair and dressed in black pants and bright red top. The red lipstick did a great job at lightening up her face, and on the outside she looked like someone who was not broken. She twirled a little, hid her pain behind her kohl-lined eyes and walked out of her room.
Maybe she was feeling better. Maybe she was not. But she was not giving up.
***
If you are reading this and can relate with it, do know that there are people struggling to get better like you. If you are reading this and cannot relate with it, please understand that in this real world, there are people who make a gigantic amount of effort to walk out from their bed to the outside of their room. Each day. Every morning. Sadness, void, depression are real, as real as you and I. If you think happiness is real, the opposites of it are real too. And they fight with each other to claim larger spaces of you.
Depression(or sadness) is that cynical dude who seduces you into a dark place. Remember the cynical dudes we found hot during high school but deep inside, they are good for nothing. Yes, that! Happiness is that geeky dude you ignore in the beginning but take the time to understand how amazing he is. In a way, you need to fight your way to end up with that geeky dude, you need to make efforts to accommodate him in your life. But here's the deal. The cynical dude and geeky dude will walk along with you. As the cynical dude is sardonic and the geeky dude is shy by nature, you need to make the first move. Even when you choose the geek, the cynic will lurk around you, and many a times, he will lure you into his darkness. You'll have to be firm with him. You'll have to tell him that he doesn't get to make the choices in your life. He is free to make himself comfortable in your life, but all he gets to do is see you waltz with the geeky dude. Unfortunately, you need to meet the cynic to value the geek.
In the end, it all falls into place, though.
P.S. You don’t have to build a fort for insecurities, sadness, depression, fear, anxiety. They can look after themselves. I know you cannot demolish the fort overnight, it takes time to ruin something too. However, wake up every morning and show up. Create something each day and happiness will build a fort for you. That’s the catch!
