Oh, I'm Doing SO Great!

“That's how it is with relationships, it's a part of life, and all the great love songs and poems and films have been written by people who were standing where I was that morning as Simon shut the door. Doesn't make it any easier though. ” 

― Jane Green, Straight Talking

Alright, so a week ago, I was talking to my friend about break-ups and decided I should write a post on this. We were talking about break-ups and its repercussions, the changes we see in ourselves, and the things we do. Some very surprising ones, and some really mundane ones. I know it is a phase of a life and all of us kind of go through it. I know, I get the drift but some people somehow just amaze me with their stupidity. Like, the ways they choose to help you to move on (or) not. Oops!

People, even some friends try to get this sadistic pleasure out of your break-ups. I mean, definitely, what fun! Googly! I mean, you are practically sitting in a corner of your ever so messy room and crying your guts out, turning your cushions damp and all that, your friend comes to you and says "Stop crying. You deserve better. Be glad that is over. She was a piece of shit." Really? That is the most condescending thing ever, guys. STOP DOING THAT. You don't decide who the person really deserves. Whoever it is. It is for the person to decide. You deserve better is the most overrated statement unless the person you are/were dating is a nincompoop. Still, your friend decides if the person is a nincompoop or awesome. So, let them be.

There are people who constantly text "How are you", "Feeling any good, lately?" and it makes me go WHAAAAAAAAT? I mean how do you want the person to respond? "Oh, I am doing SO great. So great that I have been watching Dexter all over again and the finale made me go so emotional that I cried I would miss the Morgans?" Or should the person respond "Wow! I am going through a break-up. Clearly. The enchanting patterns you see there on the white cushion are actually my mascara marks moistened with my tears and all that and still you are asking me if I am feeling better? Wow."

I have come across people who say that it is high time you move on. Of course, your sulking period has reached the saturation point and the people who aren't even going through what you are going through are the ones who decide how you should plan your sulking period. And when you should end it. Like it is some fasting period. Super! No offense, guys. But it is really annoying. You are doing more harm that help. 

A year ago, my friend was going through a horrible break up, and in order to help her to move on, her cousin told her explicit things about what happens to people when they break up, and the kind of places they end up. Thanks to him, she slipped into depression for many months. Her cousin was obviously mad. Instead of letting her be, he chose stupidity over silence and messed her head up. Sweet!

Okay. Take a deep breath. You, my friend, are not helping your friend to move on. You are plainly screwing their head and feeding them nonsensical matter. You are being judgmental, hypocritical, and perhaps, brutal? Break-ups are shitty. We are all wired in a different way, and rationally, we all react to different things in a different way. Hey, I don't react to things just the way you do. Also, during this phase, we try to find comfort in several things. We try to. Some good, some bad. There is nothing shallow about it and we don't have to be ashamed about it. First rule, there is nothing shallow about finding comfort in something. It might be bad for you. Not for us. At the end of the day, people want to be happy. Let them be happy. And once they are out of the oh-let-me-sit-and-sulk period, they would not do anything lethal.

Sometimes, ice-cream and Grey's Anatomy aren't enough. You need people. To listen to your trauma. People who don't judge you. People who support you. And we learn from our own mistakes. We don't have to be guided. No, thanks. 

Woes of the Pen! :-)

Name: Pen

Age: 15 refills

Problem: Injustice.

A certain pen appeals to the court seeking justice for himself and his fellow pens.

My Honour,

I am Pen. And I do not belong to the swanky categories of Parker or Pierre Cardin but how I wish I did; at least I could sleep on velvet in the night. I belong to the mediocre category of Montex and Cello.

I seek justice, Milord, for I have been ill treated and I need a peaceful life now.

Students use me all the time to write their truck loads of assignments, notes, and tests. Few mindless writers use me to write their not-so-sensible stories. *Sighs* 

I have been exploited very badly to write novels like “Pls kiss me. Or kill me”, “Will you marry me Cupid”, “When life tricked me...Love kicked me”. Milord, I’ve been invented to write sensible things, revolutionary things, but these junky kids are using me to write things that I have never written before. They are not just senseless but are also filled with typographical errors. How do I even cope up with this! Now that few people have dumped me for Miss Microsoft Word, I am finally able to find some time for my personal chores.

When great visionaries said, “Pen is mightier than the sword”, I was proud of myself, I invested my time in building a strong pen army and yes, we attacked the swords and achieved glory. That battle, Milord, is famously known as ‘The Battle of Penipat’.

Judge: My dear young pen-man, we can solve these issues amicably.

No, Milord, no, there are more to come. Celebrities like Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez write their dumb songs using me. This is sheer injustice, Milord. [The entire court understands the pain of the pen, and looks at him sympathetically.]

Forlorn lovers use me to write their dumb love letters, and I feel ashamed of their rejection. When I sleep and stop working for a while, students wake me up by scribbling their books with graffiti like senseless designs. Few house wives use me to open their oil tins, jam bottles, and cream tubes by inserting my nib into them. What is this, Milord, how would you feel if somebody puts your head into oil?

Bimbos use me to curl their hair. Whatever happened to rollers and curlers, Milord?

Few terrible teenagers open their chips packets by blasting them with my nib. [The jury nods in agreement.]

Whoever invented the concept of use and throw pens should be hanged. School kids use us and throw us out of the windows. And have you ever heard of pen fights, Milord? Were you ever made to fight with people of your own fraternity? Yesterday I had to hit my brother, break his head and ouch! It hit me so badly. My brother was in tears, Milord. Several times, I got my cap battered. How can you expect me to buy a new cap every time I fight, Milord? I am not a rich pen.

We are choking our guts out because of these glitter pens. We are being packed in pink, yellow, orange and are thrown into a bucket of sparkling glittery gooey mess! What are we? Some hoity-toity Vampires? I would rather stay in a dungeon and drink some ink to myself. *sniffs* I feel so terrible.

 Careless kids drop us on the floor at least ten times a day and break our heads. Loony kids drop us deliberately and dive under the bench in the pretext of picking me up and laugh on a joke like Comedy Circus judges. Even worse, Sidhu and Shekhar Suman laugh like they are going to die and throw me on the floor or hit the table with me.

And these days, to keep a track of me, some pen bandits are attaching meters on me. This is intrusion of privacy, Milord!

On these grounds, please grant me some justice, My Honour.

[The Court and the jury were more than happy to provide justice to the mighty pen fraternity.]

*Pen jives in joy*

Long Live, Pen!