The Things We Do Not Intend to Do.

The things we do not intend to do are often the ones that creep into our lives without a warning sign, said someone to me. I do not think so.

The things, the real things we intend to do and end up doing are mostly something that lurks in our mind for a long period of time. How else would you convince your strong mind to do what's insanely unhealthy for you? Last week, my friend committed suicide. It is a heartbreaking moment, especially because I've known this person for over 15 years now. I have a distant yet very familiar images and memories with this friend, who certainly made me laugh out loud at certain moments. Always full of life, nobody really knew that something that terrible would occur. I mean, who would predict something like this? Who would assume that a twelve-year-old child who'd often forget math homework would grow up to forget the value of his true self? Why would anyone suspect that the person who brought a lot of us together in several instances would give up on his amazing self?

This brings me to a highly important matter - the struggles we all go through. They are real. They are painful. They are often incorrigible. We might not understand the amount of affect our struggles might have on us, but the fact that life tends to bring each one of us to a brink of losing ourselves and giving into the pain is tangible. At every stage of life, I might add. I do not want to sound philosophical or preachy when I say it. The world is a difficult place to live and in many parts of the world, people are living with an abysmal amount of despair, but always hope for a better tomorrow. That is all we need, right? A better tomorrow. However, how can we yearn for a better tomorrow if we refuse to build a firmer and beautiful today?

In a thoroughly hard way, I've realized that human beings are slaves to their emotions. I admit that I often find myself in a dark zone, just like a lot of people out there. I believe there is a way out, though. Sure, it is a maze but coming out of a maze isn't hard either. Especially with people and lot of help available to us.

So, I am using this as a medium to urge people to fight for a better tomorrow. That a single bad thing does not have to lead to a desperate act of impulsiveness. There is a lot to do in life, we haven't even seen the tiniest part of it yet. There are amazing things we could do with our strength. We could create, recreate, build, rebuild - some of the greatest things and joys of life that human beings and only human beings are capable of doing. Let's please use this power to live a life that we all dreamed of as 8-year-olds.

Here's something useful. Facebook has launched a suicide prevention tool. If you come across a friend's account whose posts indicate they might have suicidal tendencies, you could help them. Youth Ki Awaaz has written a very helpful post on this, that can be accessed here: http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2016/06/facebook-suicide-prevention-tool/

I believe everyone must know and make this tool known amongst the people we know. Seek and give help, whenever required.

And to my friend, I really hope you lived a life longer enough to have your own happy ending. Your time wasn't done yet. May your soul rest in peace.

RUNNING BACK TO MY MOM.

My obsession with clothes isn't fairly new. As a child, my fascination for shopping and clothes knew no end. Even when I was barely two. I vividly remember the moments when I'd come home with a glee largely visible on my face after shopping with my parents. Or the moments when I would ask for frocks with more frills. But my joy never ended with just that, because every day I would plead (often emotionally manipulate) my mother into showing me my new clothes till I'd wear them for a festival or an occasion.

I had tons of disagreements with my father about clothes. Just like today. I always liked something fancy. He always liked something delicate. As I grew older, my fascination for clothes increased along with my arguments with my parents about them. Soon, we arrived at a conclusion that we cannot do shopping together, and I took to shopping alone or with friends.

When I started earning, I imagined I could just buy everything I liked. Like I would walk into Vero Moda and walk out with at least five white bags or that I would simply step into Steve Madden and quickly swipe my card for a pair of glittery shoes that were carefully packed in one of their purple boxes. It would all be that simple, that's what I thought. Unfortunately, it was not. It was far, miles away from it. I would walk into a store and find everything so drab that I just walk out sad and dejected. I would walk into all my favourite stores in a mall and curse each of them for having things that don't excite me. And this isn't how I imagined things would be when I was a little girl. When I was a little girl, everything was beautiful. Everything seemed rosy. Everything looked like it belonged in my closet. You know what I mean? The little girl definitely did not sign up for this sort of disappointment.

Maybe you don't understand, but having a closet brimming with the choicest of clothes always meant something amazing to me. So, my fascination for clothes gradually turned into a serious compulsion to find anything half decent. Sometimes, finding half decent too became a daunting task.

My friend is engaged to be married soon, and I wanted to get a stunning outfit for her big day. Call it lack of choices or helplessness, I implored my mother to accompany me for shopping. This time, I did not use my half-baked brain or ideas, but only followed her and walked out with a little more than what I asked for. With a glee on my face  that the little girl would have approved.

I reckon there are some things in life that our parents know better. Be it the clothes that look great on us, or the life advice they constantly dole out on us. While it's not mandatory for us to follow it all, we lose absolutely nothing to pay attention, right?

P.S. Now, I got to go and adore my new dress all over again.

Oh, I'm Doing SO Great!

“That's how it is with relationships, it's a part of life, and all the great love songs and poems and films have been written by people who were standing where I was that morning as Simon shut the door. Doesn't make it any easier though. ” 

― Jane Green, Straight Talking

Alright, so a week ago, I was talking to my friend about break-ups and decided I should write a post on this. We were talking about break-ups and its repercussions, the changes we see in ourselves, and the things we do. Some very surprising ones, and some really mundane ones. I know it is a phase of a life and all of us kind of go through it. I know, I get the drift but some people somehow just amaze me with their stupidity. Like, the ways they choose to help you to move on (or) not. Oops!

People, even some friends try to get this sadistic pleasure out of your break-ups. I mean, definitely, what fun! Googly! I mean, you are practically sitting in a corner of your ever so messy room and crying your guts out, turning your cushions damp and all that, your friend comes to you and says "Stop crying. You deserve better. Be glad that is over. She was a piece of shit." Really? That is the most condescending thing ever, guys. STOP DOING THAT. You don't decide who the person really deserves. Whoever it is. It is for the person to decide. You deserve better is the most overrated statement unless the person you are/were dating is a nincompoop. Still, your friend decides if the person is a nincompoop or awesome. So, let them be.

There are people who constantly text "How are you", "Feeling any good, lately?" and it makes me go WHAAAAAAAAT? I mean how do you want the person to respond? "Oh, I am doing SO great. So great that I have been watching Dexter all over again and the finale made me go so emotional that I cried I would miss the Morgans?" Or should the person respond "Wow! I am going through a break-up. Clearly. The enchanting patterns you see there on the white cushion are actually my mascara marks moistened with my tears and all that and still you are asking me if I am feeling better? Wow."

I have come across people who say that it is high time you move on. Of course, your sulking period has reached the saturation point and the people who aren't even going through what you are going through are the ones who decide how you should plan your sulking period. And when you should end it. Like it is some fasting period. Super! No offense, guys. But it is really annoying. You are doing more harm that help. 

A year ago, my friend was going through a horrible break up, and in order to help her to move on, her cousin told her explicit things about what happens to people when they break up, and the kind of places they end up. Thanks to him, she slipped into depression for many months. Her cousin was obviously mad. Instead of letting her be, he chose stupidity over silence and messed her head up. Sweet!

Okay. Take a deep breath. You, my friend, are not helping your friend to move on. You are plainly screwing their head and feeding them nonsensical matter. You are being judgmental, hypocritical, and perhaps, brutal? Break-ups are shitty. We are all wired in a different way, and rationally, we all react to different things in a different way. Hey, I don't react to things just the way you do. Also, during this phase, we try to find comfort in several things. We try to. Some good, some bad. There is nothing shallow about it and we don't have to be ashamed about it. First rule, there is nothing shallow about finding comfort in something. It might be bad for you. Not for us. At the end of the day, people want to be happy. Let them be happy. And once they are out of the oh-let-me-sit-and-sulk period, they would not do anything lethal.

Sometimes, ice-cream and Grey's Anatomy aren't enough. You need people. To listen to your trauma. People who don't judge you. People who support you. And we learn from our own mistakes. We don't have to be guided. No, thanks.