Void.

How you fill your void tells a lot about you! At least that's what I believe. I look at people I barely know and wonder if they're always this lively; if they ever undergo a certain state of nothingness, bouts of loneliness or episodes of pain when life absolutely spirals out of their control. Because it definitely happens to me. When I'm trying to fill my void. With things of meaning and things so meaningless. I fill my void with stupidity, with random acts of kindness but also snide remarks, with foolhardiness and boisterous attempts at reconnecting with people. With exotic teas from the hills and melancholic poems also from the hills. Sometimes with people I don't care at all about so that I can indulge in nonsensical banter. Maybe with silence, weak tears, impractical imaginations and fancy castles in the air. On bad days, I fill void with ennui, hurting the ones who care about me or simply hurting myself. Because void does mean things to everyone and I just use that as a reason. On good days, I fill it with filter coffee, photographs from good times, poetry, and not-so-long lasting things of all kinds.

If how you fill your void tells a lot about you, what does it tell about me?

Tune for the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A

12 AM Thoughts.

1. My feet are sore because of all the running I've done tonight. I guess I went a little overboard with it like I do with a lot of other things.

2. It's funny how I try to fill a void with the most pointless things ever. Are all human beings like this? Do we fill our void with inane things and expect to find meaning in the end?

3. Empty houses and broken hearts have more stories to tell. Distraught minds are often better than distracted minds. Late nights make for more open-hearted conversations while daytime conversations are just guarded.

4. There was a time in my life when I would distinctly remember lines from the books I read. I'd remember the lines that'd stir (or even snap) something deep inside of me or make me weep profusely. Now, I don't. Either I've stopped reading good books or I'm too distraught to remember stories I love. But hey, I can still recall the last lines from 'What We Talk About When We Talk About Love' by Raymond Carver.

5. I've rarely missed a train. Maybe only once, and the memory of it is rather faint. But recently, I had a dream where I was sitting alone on a bench and watched the train I was waiting for leave right in front of my very eyes. I anticipated for its arrival, I watched it as it halted, and then witnessed it move slowly. I had to get on it, but I didn't even move an inch. I let it pass. I let it leave.

Tune for tonight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z5s3m9_Lq0

Words.

I looked at the stars and wondered why.

I fervently hoped the endless sky would heal me.

I panicked, strode across the room restlessly.

And when I couldn't fill the void, I let words pour out.

It was words that fixed me, even when you couldn't.

Happily Ever After Is A Fallacy!

“World peace, true love, and happily-ever-afters amount to wasted wishes, failed endeavors, and most precious dreams.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

Happily Ever After! What an overrated thing in the romantic comedies! I love romantic comedies, and notice the man and the woman end up living happily ever after. I mean, let us take Notting Hill, for instance. Beautiful movie, any day. But hello? Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant hail from two contrasting backgrounds, defy gravity, and yet manage to get back together in the end. Ask me how? That, my friend, is love. BULLSHIT!

All of us grew up reading these fairy-tales, watching Disney movies, an awfully high dosage of romantic comedies, all those classic love stories taking place in palatial mansions and we feed ourselves so much on these imbecile things that we assume love to be all velvet cup-cakes, sun-flowers and all the stupid things that come along with it. Of course, when we face the reality, we feel empty. Empty is still an understatement. It feels like you have been cheated. You know, like Disney cheated on you. Like, Grimm's Fairy Tales cheated on you. You want to hold on to that Cinderella dream but it happens in fiction only. If reality is SO cacophonous, why on Earth, were we fed the velvet cup-cake fantasy since childhood?

Let me be honest. Disney stories are stupid. Twilight is a disease. Ashton Kutcher is horrible in spite of being cute. Karan Johar's movies add up to your misery in the years to come. Jerry Maguire is hopeless. If there is any shred of reality to life, it is in Sarkar and Sarkar Raj because that is all I seem to watch on the television these days. 

I am not sure why love is an epidemic. Everywhere! This four letter word, why does it make the world go round, and round and yes, you get the drift, round. It is just that life would have been simpler if the world revolved around globalization, economy, and you know, things on which we could work and make the world a better place to live in. Basically, not the hopeless things. Yes, I just called love a hopeless thing. You sweet, adorable lovers, go on, sue me.

Alright now, who doesn't want the Hugh Grant-Julia Roberts story? Everyone does. We all believe in love and its grandeur. We all want a Happily Ever After. We deny it but we want it. But it is a fallacy. It is fictitious. No, don't you dare contradict me. 

Prince Charming, Happily Ever After, The One, Your Truly, The Soulmate, Made For Each Other? Someone, come kill me. These things aren't real. Disney cheated you and made a fortune, kid. Get over Disney and majorly, get over romantic comedies. 

This is just a self destruction and trust me, happily ever after is just a fallacy. 

Do not fall for it.