The Ten Types Of People You Will See In Any Office

“I like to call in sick to work at places where I've never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.” 
― Jarod Kintz

Alright, even before I start diving into this subject, I'd like to announce an epic love for my work place. Publicly. All across the globe, I see my friends plodding their way through tedious schedules, and weird corporate honchos, while I am having a great time. Not all the time. But, yes, most of the time. I end up reaching home long before all my friends even start compiling their day's work. Thanks to Amazon, I have a social life and have enough time to work on my hobbies. 

Oh boy, am I deriving some sadistic pleasure by actually saying this? Well, I am.

Anyway, I walk into the office and see several people trying to start their day. Some different, some great, some wonderful, some creepy. I notice. I observe and now, I want to talk about the ten types of people we find in every organization.

1. The Make-up-holics: You walk into the washroom and you practically see some girls putting on so much make-up all the time, and giving a touch up once in a microsecond that you wonder what they actually do at home. No, seriously! 

Obama runs a country and has enough time to take selfies and post them on a public forum. Tell me, what are you doing that you have no time to comb your hair, and all the other things at home? Tell me, I am curious.

2. The Gossip mongers: These guys know it all. Ask them about anyone, anything, they will tell you first rate news about it. They are like my ticker tape. 

3. Oh so stoned: You walk into the office on one of those languid days with droopy eyes. You don't know what you are even doing with your life and see a bunch of people acting retarded. They make your day, you smile and wonder why they are so cheerful all the time. Nevermind, they are just stoned.

Hence, the bliss!

4. The Loud heads: I wish I could be diplomatic and say that I have no problem with these people. But I do. In fact, every sensible person has.

This set of people has to be loud in everything they do. I get it, you guys are too cool for us and want to show off your awesomeness (err) to everyone. But may I say that we do not give two hoots for your drama?

Stop being so loud. You work in an office. Not a school. And umm, if it isn't much of a trouble, would you also care to grow up?

5. The Isolated Man: I am scared. One look at them, and I know I am scared. They practically put on a grumpy face all the time. Did I steal your candy as a kid, tell me? 

Mom, I feel hated. They want to be angry at me all the time.

6. The Geeks: Aren't these guys the most loved people in any organization? They mind their own work and the little time you spend with them is great. They know their business and it is great to be with people who know their work.

Also, this set is my personal favourite. Ask them anything about technology, work, and the like, they know it all. They are forever ready to help you out. 

They are awesome. You know it.

7. The Storytellers: We get it, we get it. You are leading a fantastic life, you are happening everywhere you go and our lives are pretty much drab. 

These people have to narrate everything in such a fashion that any conversation with them takes an eternity. They have this inane urge to know everything.

They are so annoying that I wish I could faint when they start a conversation.

8. The Nap-sters: You remember how much fun it was to sleep in college? I mean, the lecturer would start talking about Trigonometry and you find your friend yawning. Literally. (I love Trigonometry.) The very concept of drifting into the slumberland has evolved from classroom benches to cozy office chairs. 

Wouldn't we just love "Everyone should go to sleep" day at work? (Secretly hoping that my boss would never read this. Tee hee!)

9. The Couples: Such love. Much affection. So happy. Wow, just wow!

10. Did you say food?: Lunch. Lunch. Lunch.

Who doesn't love food? Everyone, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone wants to take their lunch break and talk about how they survived that long day.

Disclaimer: You know I am always condescending. If you belong to one of these categories, don't pick a fight with me at work tomorrow. 

Happily Ever After Is A Fallacy!

“World peace, true love, and happily-ever-afters amount to wasted wishes, failed endeavors, and most precious dreams.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

Happily Ever After! What an overrated thing in the romantic comedies! I love romantic comedies, and notice the man and the woman end up living happily ever after. I mean, let us take Notting Hill, for instance. Beautiful movie, any day. But hello? Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant hail from two contrasting backgrounds, defy gravity, and yet manage to get back together in the end. Ask me how? That, my friend, is love. BULLSHIT!

All of us grew up reading these fairy-tales, watching Disney movies, an awfully high dosage of romantic comedies, all those classic love stories taking place in palatial mansions and we feed ourselves so much on these imbecile things that we assume love to be all velvet cup-cakes, sun-flowers and all the stupid things that come along with it. Of course, when we face the reality, we feel empty. Empty is still an understatement. It feels like you have been cheated. You know, like Disney cheated on you. Like, Grimm's Fairy Tales cheated on you. You want to hold on to that Cinderella dream but it happens in fiction only. If reality is SO cacophonous, why on Earth, were we fed the velvet cup-cake fantasy since childhood?

Let me be honest. Disney stories are stupid. Twilight is a disease. Ashton Kutcher is horrible in spite of being cute. Karan Johar's movies add up to your misery in the years to come. Jerry Maguire is hopeless. If there is any shred of reality to life, it is in Sarkar and Sarkar Raj because that is all I seem to watch on the television these days. 

I am not sure why love is an epidemic. Everywhere! This four letter word, why does it make the world go round, and round and yes, you get the drift, round. It is just that life would have been simpler if the world revolved around globalization, economy, and you know, things on which we could work and make the world a better place to live in. Basically, not the hopeless things. Yes, I just called love a hopeless thing. You sweet, adorable lovers, go on, sue me.

Alright now, who doesn't want the Hugh Grant-Julia Roberts story? Everyone does. We all believe in love and its grandeur. We all want a Happily Ever After. We deny it but we want it. But it is a fallacy. It is fictitious. No, don't you dare contradict me. 

Prince Charming, Happily Ever After, The One, Your Truly, The Soulmate, Made For Each Other? Someone, come kill me. These things aren't real. Disney cheated you and made a fortune, kid. Get over Disney and majorly, get over romantic comedies. 

This is just a self destruction and trust me, happily ever after is just a fallacy. 

Do not fall for it.

Five Relationship Myths!

It is strange how we read books, watch novels and hallucinate that every relationship is perfect. You know it is just the same story in fiction--Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they exchange looks, books, texts and bam! They are so into each other, ignore the world around them, run around the trees and creepers and run into the sunset. And most of these books and movies seem to be interesting. Obviously! But they display so many myths. For instance, let me list them down.

1. Relationships survive and happen only to the good-looking people: God! This is such a common one, right? The protagonists in the book are always like Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie. Of course, most of us will abandon the books that have ugly protagonists so, I won't talk like a saint here.

The thing I am trying to point here is the stories that portray how a boy ignores the girl, the girl sits and cries, and it suddenly dawns on her that things can change and turns from drab to fab overnight. Chi! 

2. Fights are a proof that a relationship has reached the saturation point:

Duh? Shut up! It isn't like that.
Ages ago, my uncle told me that the moment we stop fighting with our partners is when the relationship has reached the saturation because you simply do not care. You just let them be.

3. People with similar nature and perceptions are the best for each other:

Oh yeah? And get bored of the person in two months? Because you are just too similar and you feel like you are in a relationship with yourself. Or may be, not. 

But hey this is just my perception. It is my blog. I rule. :P

4. Couples who are in a relationship for a very long period are the happiest couples:

Of course! The others are the sad, demented ones who are probably in a delusional phase till they attain the veteran status and they automatically turn happy and joyous. Sweet, sweet life!

5. Awesome couples do everything together:

And scare the crap out of people around them. You know what? You aren't Siamese twins. Awesome couples need space and have individuality. Demented couples act clingy and do things together.

P.S. If any reader finds these points similar to their life, I am sorry. No pun intended. No, really!