The Ten Types Of People You Will See In Any Office

“I like to call in sick to work at places where I've never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.” 
― Jarod Kintz

Alright, even before I start diving into this subject, I'd like to announce an epic love for my work place. Publicly. All across the globe, I see my friends plodding their way through tedious schedules, and weird corporate honchos, while I am having a great time. Not all the time. But, yes, most of the time. I end up reaching home long before all my friends even start compiling their day's work. Thanks to Amazon, I have a social life and have enough time to work on my hobbies. 

Oh boy, am I deriving some sadistic pleasure by actually saying this? Well, I am.

Anyway, I walk into the office and see several people trying to start their day. Some different, some great, some wonderful, some creepy. I notice. I observe and now, I want to talk about the ten types of people we find in every organization.

1. The Make-up-holics: You walk into the washroom and you practically see some girls putting on so much make-up all the time, and giving a touch up once in a microsecond that you wonder what they actually do at home. No, seriously! 

Obama runs a country and has enough time to take selfies and post them on a public forum. Tell me, what are you doing that you have no time to comb your hair, and all the other things at home? Tell me, I am curious.

2. The Gossip mongers: These guys know it all. Ask them about anyone, anything, they will tell you first rate news about it. They are like my ticker tape. 

3. Oh so stoned: You walk into the office on one of those languid days with droopy eyes. You don't know what you are even doing with your life and see a bunch of people acting retarded. They make your day, you smile and wonder why they are so cheerful all the time. Nevermind, they are just stoned.

Hence, the bliss!

4. The Loud heads: I wish I could be diplomatic and say that I have no problem with these people. But I do. In fact, every sensible person has.

This set of people has to be loud in everything they do. I get it, you guys are too cool for us and want to show off your awesomeness (err) to everyone. But may I say that we do not give two hoots for your drama?

Stop being so loud. You work in an office. Not a school. And umm, if it isn't much of a trouble, would you also care to grow up?

5. The Isolated Man: I am scared. One look at them, and I know I am scared. They practically put on a grumpy face all the time. Did I steal your candy as a kid, tell me? 

Mom, I feel hated. They want to be angry at me all the time.

6. The Geeks: Aren't these guys the most loved people in any organization? They mind their own work and the little time you spend with them is great. They know their business and it is great to be with people who know their work.

Also, this set is my personal favourite. Ask them anything about technology, work, and the like, they know it all. They are forever ready to help you out. 

They are awesome. You know it.

7. The Storytellers: We get it, we get it. You are leading a fantastic life, you are happening everywhere you go and our lives are pretty much drab. 

These people have to narrate everything in such a fashion that any conversation with them takes an eternity. They have this inane urge to know everything.

They are so annoying that I wish I could faint when they start a conversation.

8. The Nap-sters: You remember how much fun it was to sleep in college? I mean, the lecturer would start talking about Trigonometry and you find your friend yawning. Literally. (I love Trigonometry.) The very concept of drifting into the slumberland has evolved from classroom benches to cozy office chairs. 

Wouldn't we just love "Everyone should go to sleep" day at work? (Secretly hoping that my boss would never read this. Tee hee!)

9. The Couples: Such love. Much affection. So happy. Wow, just wow!

10. Did you say food?: Lunch. Lunch. Lunch.

Who doesn't love food? Everyone, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone wants to take their lunch break and talk about how they survived that long day.

Disclaimer: You know I am always condescending. If you belong to one of these categories, don't pick a fight with me at work tomorrow. 

What Not To Do In The Office!

So when was the last time I ever wrote anything? I know I have ignored my blog, writing, reading, photography for sometime now but the writer in me has taken an oath to write at least 500-800 words each day. No, seriously! You'll see more of me in my blog and other places in the coming few days. Yay!

I was sitting in the office today and like always, I did some major goof-ups. Sigh! Will I ever grow up? Anyway, I thought I should be writing a post on the things that are STRICTLY not meant to be done at work. 

1) Listening to music on a loud-speaker: For crying out loud, why can't you get a pair of damned ear-phones? I mean, yes, you are definitely sweet. You love listening to Justin Bieber, One Direction and Gangnam Style (Did I even spell it right?) but we don't. Some of us are actually trying to work with a limited amount of concentration and we go into depression the moment you play your oh-so-famous play-list.

No offence!

2) Cribbing over free coffee: Seriously? Like really, really? Why in the world do you have to crib over free coffee? 

I wonder why people brag that coffee at home is better than the coffee at office. Everyone cannot be your mother, duh!

3) Flicking office stationery: This is such a cliche, right? I know we all have needs, we need papers, note-pads, pens and pencils but the office pays for us not for our entire household, neighbourhood, kith and kin and given a chance, few people might even pass them over to their foes. Sweet life, nay?

4) The 'Oh-So-Famous Office Gossip': Ah! This is the most interesting thing, right? I am actually beaming as I type this. Nothing can beat the good old office gossip but hey, being a gossip-monger might land you in a big-time trouble.

5) Do not PEEP: This is the most annoying habit I've ever come across. Few people just don't stop staring into your computer and all that you can do is-- a) Lock your computer, b) Close your chat-boxes. 

6) Sleeping in the office: Isn't this a classic? I mean who doesn't want to sleep in the office? AC, comfy chairs, good music in your music player obviously drives the passion in you to doze off like a pig. But do realize that a company doesn't pay to sleep or hog like a pig.

Yes, I don't sleep during my working hours. How awesome am I?

7) The Break Time: Ah! Now this happens with me everyday. Yes, every freaking day. *Sniff* There are times when I wonder if my company is paying me for spending time in the cafeteria. How I wish they did!

I wish!

I still wish!

8) Social Networking Sites: How many of us do this? I don't. I mean I would have but then my company isn't a Facebook-ho. 

Honestly, I see many friends on Facebook, Gmail, Skype during their working hours and I wonder how they manage to work with so much entertainment and picture-viewing going on in their mind. Some workers!

And with this, I come to the end of the post.

I have completed two months in my office and unlike others, I don't crib over going to the office. I look forward for each day. Period. Yes, to have fun. (Obviously)