Friday, October 24, 2014

Understanding The Real ME!

By Sunaina Patnaik at Friday, October 24, 2014

“The real question is, can you love the real me? Not the perfect person you want me to be, not that image you had of me, but who I really am.” 
― Christine Feehan

Over the past few days, I have been trying to come to terms with the real me—the trouble-seeking woman with a flair at weaving stories (Maybe?!), and an antisocial creature who has an entirely different online persona. People assume I am just the way the online persona but the real me is probably a little more subtle but I am also known to bite heads off even at the slightest provocation!

During one of the classes with my professor, I was told, or rather reprimanded for being too nice. Since when did being nice become a problem?

You are a writer, you are meant to write, you have no time for emotions or moping around,” he said to me. 

Actually, fair enough!

Ever since that incident, I have been trying to come to terms with that as well. Do I have a dual personality? Or should I just hold on to the emotionless reclusive personality, like in school? But the real question here is, can my loved ones actually handle the real me? You know the recluse who doesn't want to make any human conversations and can go on for longer periods of time without craving any company!

With just a few exceptions!

While I am coming to terms with the real me, I have also realized that I really do not have time for emotions. I already feel worse admitting to it, so yes, you get the drift. As much as I try to act like a cold, ice-queen (which I am sometimes), I falter to be so. 

The real me wants to create something beautiful—something that could be remembered for ages; the real me does not want to write books under the pretext of calling them literature. Pretentious pieces of literature we find these days, I tell you! The real me wants to write something so remarkable that it has to be nominated for Man Booker Prize, sure it does not have to win it. (My dreams are too far-fetching, eh? While I am at it, I might as well aim for the stars. Feel free to roll your eyes at my expense.)

The real me just wants to engulf herself with words and solitude and timely cups of coffee. 

Now, the question is—would the real me actually find time for emotions? Or would the real me just break herself from her reverie of grand thoughts and step into the world far apart from literature and face utter disappointment with the reality?

P.S. The real me does not believe in serendipity. 


saichandra sv on 24 Oct 2014, 13:03:00 said...

Can't say about Man Booker Prize and "the terms with real me", but you have already won the heart ♥ of people with you're writings


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