The Cookie Tin.

Throughout my childhood, we had a cookie tin at home. It was made of steel and was sturdy. My fingers still remember how its nooky edges and torn label made it stand out from the rest of the tins. My mother had a habit of putting all the best cookies in this particular tin, mostly because its lid was tight. Tight enough for me to struggle opening it. I guess I was never into Marie biscuits even at the age when I couldn't spot the visible difference between biscuits and cookies. That, however, did not stop me from reaching out to that cookie jar. Because I knew it held something that I longed for.

As I grew old and joined high school, I was still adamant about eating out of that tin. My mother soon began to store more than just best cookies in that tin, but I still believed that it consisted of the things I was forced to eat in a limit. That tin survived my many maneuvers for several years, it traveled with us every time we moved from one city to another and boy, we did move a lot! It became an integral part of our kitchen and I was warned to steer clear of it.

I don't certainly remember when we lost that tin, but I haven't noticed it for years now. Especially this morning when I was storing cookies in a different tin that bore no resemblance to the lost one. I am beginning to think if life is a lot like this. No, I am serious. Did it ever happen to you? You hold on to something - a plan, a work item, a piece of clothing, a book or what the hell, the idea of doing something amazing in your mind and try your best to gain control over it. Over time, it either comes easily to you after a lot of struggle from your end or becomes a part of your existence that you lose track of it. Did it ever happen to you? That in time, you lose the purpose of the thing (or the idea) you once strongly believed in? It is kind of annoying if you actually perceive it in that fashion. Nevertheless, it does not alter the truth. We lose the purpose of myriad important things in our life. Our dreams, our ambitions, our desperate plans to achieve meaning of life - we lose it all.

Sure, the tin might be replaced with another tin that has no stains or uneven edges, but not everything can turn obsolete.

And it shouldn't. Because life does not offer another cookie tin when we lose sight of a purpose or ambition.

You Do Not Know Me.

You do not know me. You think you do.

Between the tall glasses of milkshakes and cups of coffee,

You think you've figured out the whisper behind my smile.

As you look into my eyes and I into yours,

You think you know the story behind my brown eyes.

You do not know me. You only think you do.

Our laughter beyond the sound of music,

Between your rolling secrets and my hidden candor,

You think you've read me like a book that never

belonged to you.

But you do not know me. You only think you do.

My ideas, my ideals.

My stories, my grief.

My tears, my promises.

My darkness, my pleasures.

You think you know it all like your ecstasy.

You think you've touched every layer of my soul.

But you haven’t.

For you, I am always a mystery.

One that never unfurls for you.

For you, I am always a mystery.

What Are Your Fears?

What are your fears? What terrifies you? No, I am not talking about spiders or crocodiles, dark streets or heights. I am referring to the patterns of fears that keep you awake till the wee hours of nights.

Do you have insecurities?

Because I have tons of them.

Copious amounts of them.

On a regular day, what are your fears and insecurities? Let me tell you mine.

The alarm on my phone goes berserk at 6 AM reminding me that it's time to do something productive and that I need the discipline to achieve things that seem too far-fetched. But on most days, I snooze it. Later, on feeling guilty, I wake up groggily at 6:30 AM only to end up staying in bed till 7:30 swiftly going through Twitter, Gmail, Facebook...basically everything social media. And Instagram. How can I forget Instagram? I live like my existence depended on it. Every morning, I look at so many beautiful pictures taken across the world on the screen of my phone.

I look at the pictures of Paris and keep troubling my mind if I would ever see the place or not.

I look at the perfect pictures of women with clear skin and sometimes, I don't feel very thrilled about the acne on my face.

I look at the pictures of couples holding their hands and staring into the sunset and feel a throbbing pain wondering if someone would ever love me that way. I look at those pictures and hope someone would not wake up one morning and stop loving me as if it was once a petty hobby.

I look at more pictures, assuming, always assuming that their lives are so much fancier than mine.

As I while away my time till 7:30 AM on Instagram, I realize my day is just beginning. I drag myself out of the bed to get ready for the job I love doing, the only thing I probably look forward to on weekdays.

Yet another thought of insecurity creeps in. What if one day I fail to put words on paper? What if I turn into a person with no passion?

During lunch, I am constantly worried about the amount of food I am eating, counting every crumb I eat and eat just one slice of pizza even when I crave more. I mean, the nature of my body is prone to put on weight. Like everyone else's.

Oftentimes I have a feeling of trepidation that I am missing out on life. That I am hurting my friends or attracting idiots. In both the cases, I end up in tears. I'm perpetually afraid of getting hurt.

It doesn't end right here, because, on my way home from work, I curse myself for not reading enough. For not doing more. For consuming lots of coffee. For being selfish. For not being a part of the important events in my friends' lives. For not picking calls. For ignoring messages and emails. For taking impulsive decisions. For being fragile. For being just me.

Yet my Instagram profile states otherwise. Like I have no fears or insecurities.

But I have tons of them.

Copious amounts of them.

Strangers.

When I was a child, my family warned me to stay away from strangers. I was told that I took the advice so seriously that I steered clear from interacting with new people even when my parents introduced them to me.

Strangers were dangerous. Strangers spelled trouble. As I grew older, I understood that that to make friends, you need to begin with strangers. For years, I fumbled and struggled to make friends. I am quite sure the eight-year-old version of me would be surprised to see the number of friends I have now. But even to this day, I have to admit that making friends with an ease does not come easily to me.

I tend to be really wary of strangers. Some strangers become your closest friends, confidants, mains and majors, lovers. While some strangers might end up creating a storm in your life. And figuring out which stranger would do what is a mystery that life effortlessly slings at us. Sometimes you're in luck, and sometimes you're in for nasty surprises. Unfortunately for me, I see the best in people and hope that everyone around us is trying to do the best that they can. So, when a certain stranger comes into my life, trying to mess with my head, I still see the best in them. It doesn't matter how annoying things get in the end, I still see the best bits of them. However, there is a saturation point to it and I do get pissed when things go wrong. But when I put aside my vexation for such strangers, I see these amazing friends who are insanely caring, protective, and warm about warning me from making wrong choices. I know we all make wrong choices, but it is amazing when you are one step away from making one and your friends act as your shield. Isn't it crazy that when some strangers become the best of your friends, some ruin you? Funny how life is sometimes!

Well, there is no moral to this story except for the fact that your mother is generally right about strangers. Stay away from them!

Parks and Recreation.

This post is not about the TV series 'Parks and Recreation' or how much I adore Aziz Ansari over Chris Pratt. It's just a tiny musing that might interest some of you.

We meet different people at different junctures in our lives. Some uplift us. Some ruin us. And some, we don't even know the significance of their existence in their lives, but let's not waste these 500 words on them. I became friends with someone during one of the worst phases of my life, and no surprises here, I found him around me every time I hit rock bottom. Which happens a lot, by the way. This friend has always been the one I've had meaningful conversations with. As it turns out, we all come with a set of flaws, and so does he. Unfortunately, in his case, he underestimates himself. Actually, he underestimates the entire cult of nice guys. Nice guys have this understanding that women do not pick them and that they finish last. In one of our conversations, he stated that women might not enjoy his company, whereas they might absolutely thrive in the company of men who are all about discrete business. This rather half-witted concept originated from a movie where a certain actress advises the protagonist on how women will be happier with a man who is an epitome of a forest, but will feel spiritless with someone who is like a park. The writer has portrayed this theory quite beautifully because that's what writers do and in the pursuit of writing something extremely lovely, he might have sounded romantic but not realistic.

Let me tell you this. Forests seem intriguing. With full of secrets, you love maneuvering it at every corner. But that's that. Forests are amazing for vacations or yearly trips but life isn't an adventure. When we are done with the adventure, we all return back to our cozy comfort of taking a stroll in the park. Would we ever stop liking that simple joy of life? No, we won't, because, after a long day of tomfoolery, it's a paradise to spend a moonlit evening in a park. And forests? Well, no one needs a goddamn adventure every evening. It only gets darker and scarier.

P.S. If you’re stuck in a dilemma where you have to choose between a park and a wilderness, by all means, go for the park. There’s nothing challenging about wilderness after you tame and understand its secrets.