Not Those Average Friendships.

My mother just returned from a reunion with her high school friends. They have met after twenty long years. Though some of them are in contact, a major part of them have gotten in touch a few weeks ago only because of Facebook, and of course, the WhatsApp groups. The internet is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, I am surprised at the remarkable things it introduces to us.

When my mother got in touch with all her high schoolmates, I did not fathom that their whole class would come together for a reunion. Twenty years is a long time definitely and one cannot be convinced that the entire class would actually come together. Well, they did. All of them. All thirty of them. My mother did not stop talking about her friends after she came back. Just like in all high schools, there is the helpful one, the planner, the envious one, the bully, the class leader, the conversationalist, the high achiever, the low-key one, and you get the drift. Looks like the 1970s and 1980s weren't so different after all.

I've always imagined that after you reach a certain age, you stop having friends, mostly because you move on with the other phases or life or move to different cities. I'm afraid, countries! But the fact that two of my mother's friends flew in from the USA, practically shattered all the myths I've built around the reality of friendships. I mean, we are clearly talking about people that withstood twenty years of friendships without any issues whatsoever about geographical restrictions. It gave me a new hope that no matter how old we get, and how well we master the art of pretending that we are all grown up, there is always a child within us that yearns for childhood. It makes us yearn for the high school days because what's more eventful in anyone's life than high school?

This brings me to another thing, it is people who make things like this happen. Not the Internet. It is just a highly powerful medium that amazing people use to their advantage. It's spectacular, right? The kind of things that friendships make us do!

And oh, this time, I have a song for you: You're My Best Friend by Queen

Strangers.

When I was a child, my family warned me to stay away from strangers. I was told that I took the advice so seriously that I steered clear from interacting with new people even when my parents introduced them to me.

Strangers were dangerous. Strangers spelled trouble. As I grew older, I understood that that to make friends, you need to begin with strangers. For years, I fumbled and struggled to make friends. I am quite sure the eight-year-old version of me would be surprised to see the number of friends I have now. But even to this day, I have to admit that making friends with an ease does not come easily to me.

I tend to be really wary of strangers. Some strangers become your closest friends, confidants, mains and majors, lovers. While some strangers might end up creating a storm in your life. And figuring out which stranger would do what is a mystery that life effortlessly slings at us. Sometimes you're in luck, and sometimes you're in for nasty surprises. Unfortunately for me, I see the best in people and hope that everyone around us is trying to do the best that they can. So, when a certain stranger comes into my life, trying to mess with my head, I still see the best in them. It doesn't matter how annoying things get in the end, I still see the best bits of them. However, there is a saturation point to it and I do get pissed when things go wrong. But when I put aside my vexation for such strangers, I see these amazing friends who are insanely caring, protective, and warm about warning me from making wrong choices. I know we all make wrong choices, but it is amazing when you are one step away from making one and your friends act as your shield. Isn't it crazy that when some strangers become the best of your friends, some ruin you? Funny how life is sometimes!

Well, there is no moral to this story except for the fact that your mother is generally right about strangers. Stay away from them!

New Beginnings.

I have amazing friends. I think of all the wonderful moments I've spent with them and I am constantly amazed at how lucky I am for having them. Especially, when one certain friend travels all the way from a different country to make you feel better. I mean, who does that? How was she able to do that? And why, just why did she do that? I admit I'm quite self-centered. I am flawed. I barely pick my friends' calls. Sometimes, I talk to them only on my whim. I take them for granted. I cancel the meetings they plan ever so carefully. And I never apologize for the wrong things I do. Or say.

Remember we all have that one friend who ditches every plan? Yes, I am that one friend. I wish I spent more time with my friends when I was in college. I wish I had broken my 'I will not meet any friend on a Sunday' rule for them. I wish I told each of my friends how much they matter.

I am not the one who takes lofty New Year resolutions. For me, a fresh beginning can begin anytime and I do not wait for the New Year's eve. But this year, I gladly took one. This year, I will make it a point to make more time for my friends and meet everyone I haven't met in 2015 or in 2014. The list is long, but I am all willing to make amends.

It is time for a new beginning.

2015, Get Lost Now.

2015 is coming to an end. I have never been a huge fan of counting down the final days of a year as I don't care about New Year's eve or celebrating it. My obligation towards the new year is limited to a mandatory blog post and that's that. But what is it about 2015 that makes me want to hold on to it dearly? What is it about 2015 that I'll remember for years? And what is it about 2015 that will always put a smile on my face? I could not list out everything, but here are a few:

1. 2015 has been largely confusing for a lot of reasons. I won't dwell over them, but I'll tell you this. No matter how bad things seem today, they'll slowly fade in time. The people you try to forget, the incidents that bring tears, and the issues that torment you--they'll all fade.

2. People constantly tell me that I am lucky to be doing a job that I love. Touchwood! Two years ago, I never imagined I'd be able to break free, stand up for my dream and take up an actual, real-time writing job. Now that I am, it feels like a million bucks. Probably, nothing feels better than doing something you are passionate about.

3. I have loved and I have lost. It might not be a great story, but it sure made me write some. It was fun while it lasted though its aftertaste was bitter.

4. Goodreads tells me that I've read 59 books this year. I've read and re-read some great books this year. I breathed into the words of Murakami, cried into the pages of Jamie Tworkowski, traveled along with Italo Calvino and Ruskin Bond, and more importantly, I have found lost courage through the beautiful world that Elizabeth Gilbert created.

I cannot thank these writers enough for their lovely creations.

5. My unhealthy obsession with letters dates back to the 90s. I have written some and received some this year.

As we talk, I've used FutureMe.org to send a letter to my future self. I think this is an immensely important activity that we must all indulge in. Go ahead, and write yourself one! I am sure your future self will be pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from past.

6. I have been turning into a reclusive person with every passing year. I am not complaining, though. I think I began enjoying my company so much that I don't feel lonely anymore. I itch for solitude.

I have cut ties with unhealthy friendships and I am glad that they are no longer in my life.

In a sad way, some relationships with my friends and family are a little strained. I am not even putting in an effort to repair them. Maybe it's time I do.

7. Not all families are perfect. No family is as nice as it seems. Some families are broken beyond repair, and some are held together by a really thin string. I am glad that I have a family and that I go home to them. This year certainly made me realize that it's hard work to keep your family together. I've learned it the hard way.

8. A few years ago, I've never imagined that I'd be buying a vehicle by 24. I have and every time I look at it in my parking area, I brim with joy.

I am learning how to drive and I am loving it.

9. I have openly discussed my emotions and issues this year. I have used several mediums for it -- my blog, one on one conversations, talking, writing, and above everything, by standing up for it.

I've said this earlier and I'll say it again. There is nothing wrong in seeking help, there is nothing small in admitting you are not okay. You are human and on odd days, your heart aches. Sometimes, longer. Be assured that there are a lot of people like you who feel what you feel. All you need to do is reach out.

10. My unhealthy eating and sleeping habits have taken a toll over me. Over the last two months, I have tried controlling them. I am hoping 2016 would prove to be a healthier year.

***

There is something about having your closest friends in town, even if you barely meet them. Two of my friends have left to the USA this year, and it hit me that I'll miss them only when I saw them walking away on our last meetings. I've never been great at goodbyes. They are hard, and I am pretty sure I'll never be okay with them. I've endured some excruciatingly painful moments yet incredibly lovely moments this year. I've made friends at my workplace and at unusual of places, and I am okay with doing that now.

In many ways, 2015 has been a year of unexpected surprises, separations, rediscovering friendships, self-discovery (almost), and of course, more writing.

To everyone who has been nice to me, gotten me cupcakes and were there for me, thank you. And to everyone who haven't done that, well, you have a happy New Year too.

P.S. The long followed tradition of falling asleep at 10:30 PM on 31st December shall be followed this year too.

Imaginary Friends.

When I was a child, I was popular for having imaginary friends, or as sane people would put, popular for not making any real friends. As a child who transferred seven schools throughout school, I had a trouble making friends and relied on the imaginary friends I had in my mind. It was quite comforting, though!

My mother tells me that I had my first imaginary friend when I was two. Yes, that's right. It was a spirit, that was as amicable and adorable as Casper. I had this friend till I was in the second standard, and in those years, he would help me with my homework, walk me to the school, and gulp down the orange juice my mother would give me every evening. I distinctly remember writing and narrating stories about this imaginary friend to my parents, cousins, grandparents, and anyone who would  lend me an ear. My conversations and inside jokes with my friend would go on and on, and I made it a habit to break down my daily events into funny stories while narrating them to him. Like some friendships that break at a certain point, ours did too. I was heartbroken and took to writing a journal after that.

In the years that followed, I have made a bunch of imaginary (fictional) friends, I have had an imaginary pet, and an imaginary library too. As children, we tend to be utterly sensitive, we can never completely comprehend why we cannot make friends at a new school or a new place that we move to, we cannot entirely understand why we are treated as an outcast at places we are unfamiliar with. We fail to decipher why there are a lot of regional disparities.  It was totally normal to face issues while making friends at a new place, but it was even tough to make and maintain friendships when you transferred from one school to another in two years. We did not even have the internet in the 90s, and by the time it arrived, it was a hassle using it.

I took a lot of time and effort to make real friends, and after I did, I never had to look back. I kept on making friends, I kept on making memories, and I kept on cherishing the time I'd spend with them. I have realized that unlike imaginary friends, real friends respond, they are concerned, and they tell you about things that you wouldn't know otherwise. Real friends stay up late in the night talking you, they bunk work to come meet you when you are down, and they accompany you on your shopping trips. Unlike imaginary friends, some real friends that you make might prove to be unhealthy for you and you are driven to a point where you push them out of your life. Real friends are cooler. But sometimes, I do think, what if I never made real friends? Would I still have relied on the solace my imaginary friends offered?

On Turning 24!

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

― Mark Twain

It has been six days since I turned 24. Neither do I feel older nor have I turned wiser.

When I was a child, I assumed being 24 was all about having the freedom to eat chunks of chocolate cake at midnight. At 24, I totally know that it is not about eating cake.

I guess it has never really been about the cake.

On the verge of sounding almost cynical and lame, I tried figuring out what I really wanted to do in my life. Aren't birthdays just a reminder to take a solid resolution every year?

Let me tell you about my visit to a local bookstore with my mother. 

The man at the bookstore, who owns and runs the place greeted my mother with the books of her favourite writers. It was strange how he remembered the names of writers and their books at his fingertips. He spoke about Ernest Hemingway as if he saw him writing The Sun Also Rises; he talked about Stephen King as if he confided in him. He talked about Rilke and his ever famous letters like he had one of the letters. He spoke about stories and poems--stories that talked about death and poems that reminded him of his childhood. He spoke about it all with a spark in his eye while I stood there, listening to him in awe. I never imagined a person who might turn 60 in a year or two would see the world by simply sitting in the corner of a quaint bookstore. I never imagined someone would tell me so many beautiful things about the writers I loved.

On my way back home, I figured what I really wanted. 

I wanted someone to talk about my words as if they were written for them, I wanted someone to remember my sentences that flow irrationally in different directions with a glint in their eye. It does not matter even if it was just one person.

But I want that. And how do I do that?

Yes, now it all comes down to one thing - Do more. Write more.

This birthday resolution, honestly, is a part of me being selfish. I will talk more about the resolution soon.

***

This birthday has been quite eventful. I have celebrated it for three days. (I know. I allow you all to take a minute to roll your eyes.) I am overwhelmed with the amount of love and warmth I have received not just from my family and friends, but from strangers and my blog readers too. You all add beauty to my chaos.

I have received a lot of beautiful presents but one thing that has moved me immensely was a letter from my best friend. Thanks a lot for such a beautiful letter, Asisha! You have made my birthday special in many million ways.

That’s what friends do, don’t they? They make their presence and words felt even when we are engulfed with silence and isolation.

And then, there are the other friends who are equally lovely and push me towards taking control of my happiness, and urging me to be wise about choosing the right people and right things. And then, there are more friends who make me appreciate the beauty of the endless sky and sparkling stars.

Thanks a lot for making my birthday wonderful. This post might be a blend of a lot of incoherent thoughts running wild in my head. But my affection and thoughts for you are not incoherent.

As I end this post, let me tell you another thing. Turning 24 is not that bad. I imagined it would be worse when I turned 23.

Looks like it can only get better from here. Good night, everyone!

P.S. I look forward to a similar kind of love and pamper on other days too. Feel free to do so!

Almost Twenty Four.

It looks like I am turning 24 in 13 days. Wow!

I have always been a huge fan of birthdays. Mostly, because of the cake. But even otherwise, I am always the weird one waiting for my birthday.

I have been hunting for the perfect dress for two weeks now. Though I found one, I am yet to get another one. And I don’t know why, I am really counting on getting the best dress ever. I have been receiving really wonderful presents and thoughtful letters from friends all over the world. I have made plans already. I am pretty excited, but I am little worried too. I am turning 24. Age might just be a number, but the last time I checked I was still 17. It does sound like a big deal to me.

Over the past few days, I have been trying to figure out the things I have done, and the mistakes I have learned from. I do not want to tread on the path of philosophy, but I am where I intended to be.

Over the past 23 years, 11 months, and 16 days, I have transformed from an introvert to an almost extrovert. I have started talking about things that matter to me--my blog is the proof to it. No matter where I am, and how old I get, I have always dreamed of being close to Literature. I am glad I haven’t given up on that dream. I am writing and I will always write. Of course, it did require a great deal of push from a corporate job to realize what I really wanted.

I have fallen in love. I have gotten my heart brutally broken. While one part of it urged me not to give up, the other part has constantly reminded me that I am what I am because of it. And honestly, it helped me realize that I have to let go of the life I planned ever so delicately to embrace the one that’s waiting for me. I am all about adventure now!

I have made friends at the oddest of moments and the unlikeliest of places. While some keep me sane, some run wild with me. I had to go through a slightly harder path to understand that you got to fight hard to keep your friends closer, and your family together. My friends are incredibly amazing. Even if they abuse me for not taking their calls. Even if they embarrass me at places I love the most.

I have kept two journals every year for a long period of time now. At the end of the year, as per my traditional calls, I destroy them. Only after keeping a copy of the really good ones.

Often you meet friends in the form of books and seek comfort in words. I have found one book 13 years ago and I go back to it time and again. That book has been a part of my life in sickness and joy. And my choice in music, my choice in music is getting better with time.

Something doesn't seem right though. On the outer shell, everything appears to be perfect. Almost 24 and I haven’t traveled even decently. What a shame! Sure, I have started taking my investments seriously, but what is the point if I am not putting them into use? Honestly, and quite seriously, I got to tick a few places off my list.

What else is on my mind? Ugh, I will just put travelling on my list of things to do for now.

I got to go get a new dress now. My birthday is just around the corner.

And oh, I will tell you all how it feels on turning 24.

Just Saying Hello!

What is happening to all the time? Is it just flying past me?

That is a million dollar question that troubles my mind time and again.

I mean, seriously. The last time I checked, it was still the beginning of March, and the month has come to an end already.

A lot of things have been happening  lately. And some come along with a silver lining.

I think I have graduated to be a world class jerk for a few things that went out of my control. I shall reserve that story for some other day. 

I have started taking criticism from anonymous people in my own stride. It is absolutely ludicrous how people could be so rude to you, and what's more fascinating is the fact that there are a lot of people who come to your support when things like that happen to you.

For instance, this is my first article on Women's Web, and this is what happened: What happened?

Or when the same person (I assume) tried to do this on my blog: Dreaming Under The Starlit Sky!

Thank you. Things like this just keep me going forward. 

I have been to Deccan Trails along with my friends for my best friend's birthday, and had one of the most beautiful nights.

The long drive to Vikarabad was absolutely lovely. The conversations were totally humourous. The starlit sky was beyond beautiful.

Nights like these remind me that beauty lies in the little things. It lies in the spark of your friend's eye when she cuts the cake, in a certain friend's gibberish when he is high, in the talking minion of another friend (I almost stole it), in the short walks with your friend, in the meaningless conversations, and in the long drives with Eminem's music blaring out loud.

Apart from all the beauty I am surrounded with, a lot of things have been happening at my workplace too. 

The only thing I hear myself wondering (But not saying out loud) during my lunch break is, I am in the right place.

Who knew I would be able to have fun at work? 

I guess I will write a little more from now. If not here, at other places. 

By the way, hello! 

Memories In Time

“I don't feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh.

"There there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do.” 

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Perhaps only love can heal love.

Cannot figure out how? Let me explain.

When I was in twelfth, I had to shift to Vizag due to some unforeseen circumstances. A change in the college, a change in the city, and miles away from home - with too many changes and uncertainties, I was terribly homesick.

I missed my parents. I missed home. 

It was the first time I stayed away from my parents, and being with my grandparents was fun, but it did not help much. I had regular bouts of home, and Hyderabad.

People who know me well, also know how much I adore Vizag. I keep saying it - it is the place to be. But I grew out of it back then. Even before I realized it, I fell in love with the city again.

I have probably written a lot about my friends in places and spaces I cannot recollect any longer, however, I have never written about the four girls who made my stay in Vizag more than wonderful, and made me fall in love with it again. With one step at a time though.

Anjani, Anuja, Niharika, and Prasanthi - you girls have contributed a lot to my happiness and bitter sadness. 

As we step into the eighth year of our friendship, I felt a testimonial to all that we cherished together had to happen.

Probably I wouldn't have put on even a little (Read a lot) weight if Niha wasn't there to feed me cake every single day. I wouldn't have known the joy in sharing food if not for Anjani and Anuja, and perhaps, I would have never taken all the critical feedback in good humour had Anjani never thrown sarcastic remarks on my face.

Maybe my walks in the rain would not have been this memorable if Niha wasn't there. Maybe I would not have bunked practicals if not for Anjani, and maybe I would have never picked fights with any friend if not for Anuja.

Maybe I wouldn't have laughed so much even when I was going through the worse days if not for these girls; and maybe I wouldn't have savoured street food so much if not for Anjani. Shopping with these girls was awfully great, and sharing our deepest secrets in the darkest of the days let me talk about things I would have never imagined I'd talk.

I have also learned how to lie most conveniently. I mean, I always had a good story to tell our principal each time we bunked a practical or a weekend exam. You see how they helped me? I started writing stories to protect me and my friends from drastic situations. I will give it you straight - my lies were an epic fail. No one ever believed me.

Vizag is a beautiful place. In many million ways, it is so simple. I wouldn't know a perfect weekend had I not watched a movie at Jagadamba, and go for a stroll at the RK beach, and make my friend walk miles in pursuit of reaching Tenneti Park. 

I would trade my place with anything to be in Vizag doing a writing job, and staying closer to my grandparents and family. 

Any day. I mean it.

If not for these girls, I might have never realized the beauty of this city, and how closely it held me during the nights I missed home

It is a home away from home, and these girls are totally family away from family. 

Like an old warm quilt.

Settling For Happiness!

“HAPPINESS [is] ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED” 

― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Be it euphoria or melancholia, I have always had a trouble expressing it. From a shy child to a reclusive teenager, I might have metamorphosed into a rather outgoing adult (MAYBE!), but I faltered in expressing things. Always.

Strangely, I was never troubled in putting my emotions in words. All I needed was a pen and a paper.

I believed it was the best I did.

In a nutshell, I would write everything in a journal, pretending the journal was my best friend, hoping my bright pink journal would be happy at my success, and gloomy during my shoddy times. Of course, it was not!

I might as well thank my stars for being blessed with a company of great friends. That did not pull me out of this misery either. My inability to explain even the most exquisite things was beyond my comprehension, however, my flair at expressing even the most mundane things with grandiosity surprised me. 

Much ado about nothing.

I reckon the stars had a different plan for me. 

I cannot handle extremities, and quite presumably, I tend to push people away during those situations. But people around me never left me alone--they urged me to talk about things that troubled or mattered, they hovered around me wondering if I would ever let them into my world. And I did.

It could be a simple text from your friend saying she is proud of what you do, or opening shopping bags with your best friend, sharing happiness has found its way into my life for all its intents and purposes. Amidst all the chaos of euphoria, mood swings, melancholia, I have also discovered one person who doesn't squeal in joy along with me; that person still taunts me in my joy. But it doesn't matter because happiness is pure when shared with that person.

I have never realized happiness would be this beautiful when shared with you, and I am coming to terms with it. Awkwardly yet happily!

A Reunion, Said My Stars!

“Reunion reveals friendship potential that haven't yet been emerged in the past.” 

― Toba Beta

I am not a firm believer of Astrology, or for that matter, Tarot cards and all that. But sometimes, when I am utterly bored, I read useless things which include astrology. OKAY, so major creepy stuff happened. Good stuff, but still creepy!

My astrology for the month predicted that my month would end on a low note with some surprises thrown in here and there. It also predicted that I would hear from a long lost person. I did, I did. It also predicted that I might, I just might reunite with some old friends. That happened too.

Call it a weird coincidence or give due credits to the stars, my astrology for the month hit bull's eye. This stuff actually works, duuuuuuude!

So, I met these friends after eight long months and much to my chagrin, things did not change at all. You know, I imagined we'd get awkward and all that, but we didn't. We picked where we left, we had conversations that were as stupid as they were once. We ate at the places we always have, we made merry the way we always have.

We laughed over all the loony things we did a year ago, and rubbed our differences aside. We also made plans and mused over how things have changed now. The last time we met, we were actually pretty jobless. Not literally! Look where we got now? We just got busier with the work we love now.

Astonishingly, it is pretty ludicrous when you can totally pick where you left with some friends. It is okay to fight. It is okay to get into cat fights. It is okay to have differences. And it is totally okay to go on for longer periods of time without making grand conversations. You get very few friends who can retain normalcy after being mute for an eternity.

All your indifferences will fit together.

P.S. If you have a friend who screwed up your sanity, pick up that phone and give a damned call. A friend who screws your sanity deserves to stay in your life. Do not give up on being that idiot's maid of honour five years (or just whenever) down the line. She counts on you, you fairy angel! 

(That fairy angel would be me.)

I Am A Snob. Not!

“I'm not a snob. Ask anybody. Well, anybody who matters.” 

― Simon Le Bon

My mind always runs in circles. I am glad it does. It keeps me occupied on days when I have utterly nothing to do.

This Saturday night, while I was talking to one of my friends, my mind was still running in circles, like one of those natural obligations, you know?

"You are not a snob. But you come across as one. You never keep yourself open to new people," he said. 

I tried to defend myself and all that, trying to throw some instances to prove I am not really an Ice Queen; much to my chagrin, I went ahead and called myself an extremely friendly person too.

Oops, I know I am not. I am not a people's person. 

"You could be hated for what you are not," he said. I wanted to act cool by quoting Eminem but I refrained from doing so, because such epic comebacks are always a fail with him.

The next morning, I asked another friend if these things were any true. He confirmed my worst fears. I come across as a snob. "You have that look on your face which makes people think you are not approachable." 

Looks like cockroaches are more approachable.

Anyway, whatever happened to people who are just reserved and want to do their work, and live a life without making any new friends? 

Is that a new definition of snob?

****

I could be in some serious trouble, I reckon. I mean let us just talk about my track record at making new friends. I haven't made many friends after graduation. 

Why don't I pause the flow of writing and count for a moment. I have made 3...4..friends after graduation?

Oh!

Looks like I am not keeping my options open. My friend said, "You never know who you'll meet." Of course, considering the fact that I am at my workplace all day long, the probability of making friends is highly unlikely even if I act like Joey Tribbiani.

This is not fair ya!

My friends could have instead said, I was short, which is partially true. Or they could have called my wardrobe a mourning one considering the fact that I dress black almost every day.(Oh don't even ask, it is a new fashion statement I have been trying to create.)

I would have thrown tantrums and gotten over it, you know? 

This "You should keep your avenues open" thing will never work with me, man. I have always been that person who absolutely loved doing things alone. SOMETIMES. A movie night or a binge sitcom watching noon. I have always been that person who preferred staying indoors over clubbing; always chose isolated coffee shops over noisy, crowded places; I've always been that person who got bored of people and things easily-so I choose wisely. 

I wish I could keep my avenues open, stop dodging calls, and respond to text messages instantly rather than writing nonsensical blog-posts like this, or posting pictures of a pair of shoes on Instagram. I really wish I could go out for a girls night out instead of staying in to watch House or Suits. I wish I could respond to all my emails on time, or make an effort to get out there and meet new people (Another concept that is entirely alien to me. I shudder at the thought of meeting new people.) and accommodate a little more space for the new-comers who might wreck my life for all I know.

Even worse, I might wreck theirs!

I wish I could have a control over my mood swings that visit me more often than my best friends do. 

I wish I could. But I cannot. So, let me make the most out of my solitude with Franz Kafka and romantic comedies.

If someone really wants to have me in their life, they will surely understand I have a twisted mind (in all dimensions) and act accordingly. I am not a friendly person, but I can bend my rules sometimes, for the few exceptionally chosen ones.

I can sense the effort, you know? 

So, get yourself right here with a tub of hazelnut ice-cream, and we'll watch House and have stimulating conversations. I am just an accidental snob!

And, It Was A Happy Birthday!

“The cake had a trick candle that wouldn't go out, so I didn't get my wish. Which was just that it would always be like this, that my life could be a party just for me.” 

― Janet Fitch

I turned 23 this Wednesday and I had one of the best birthdays ever. 

But let me warn you, it is not an extremely great feeling, you know? Just a while ago, I was a teenager listening to heavy rock music, and I blink my eyes and whoa, I am 23 now. Just for the record, I do not enjoy heavy rock music any longer.

It is a little scary to know that you are growing older and all that. I know some of you won't agree with me, some will, and those big 3 0s would literally roll their eyes at me and say, look at us and talk, kid. But yes, whatever. I am growing old.

While I am enjoying the afterglow of my birthday and stuffing myself with more cake, I wonder if there is any difference in me when I turned 22 and now. I wonder if I have done something worthwhile in the past one year. I wonder if I learned something - useful or not. Have I gained any experiences?

The answer to all - yes, I have. And I know for a fact that I will keep getting better. Also, I am sure I will get even better by the time I turn 24. 

As I look into the past one year, I think of all the things I have done. I met new people, I made new friends. I have visited a lot of new places, watched good movies, read some wonderful books, ate a lot of delicious food, got rid of some toxic people and reunited with some good old friends, experienced euphoria, bitter sadness, experienced vulnerability and strength, I have written a lot of things, and earned the much coveted freedom from corporate slavery. Touchwood!

I made memories. 

And, I know for a reason that with every passing birthday, we will always have a handful of things that we have done and will remain with you. I am glad I too have them.

Thanks to everyone who were a part of my life, and are a part of my life. You all have given me many stories and I will keep building many more.

Thank you Anirudh, Asisha, Sugumar, Supadha, Haritha, Harish, Kiriti, Amrutha, Anwesha, Suguna! You guys have seen the worst in me and let us just hope you won't see anything more horrible. The worst case scenario factor has reached a saturation point, right? And let me not forget, you guys are all part of the big, major memories I have made. 

Here's to growing old, feeling utterly weird about your age and all that, getting busier with your lives, partners, losing touch with the moronic side of the youth and oh, the carelessness. This too shall pass!

IT WAS ONE HELL OF A BIRTHDAY, PEOPLE!