Loving Yourself.

You wake up in the morning. You stand in front of the mirror looking at your reflection. Your smooth skin reminds you of the scars you've left on someone else's and the creases on your forehead nudge you about the things you shouldn't have done. How do you love yourself when all you see are your flaws?

I've always assumed that loving someone irrevocably and beyond any reason and logic is hard, but it isn't. Loving yourself is hard. Loving yourself enough to pick your own broken pieces and stitch them together is hard. Loving yourself is hard when you don't know where to begin with and which part of you needs more love than the others. Maybe you'll not be this damned if you knew, but who are you kidding, you were never the one to know. Loving yourself is hard especially when others find you perfect but all you discover are more and more of your mistakes which slowly engulf you, define you, and then drown you. Loving yourself is probably hard when your mouth reminds you of the ugly words you've uttered or the ones that you can never take back. Loving yourself is dauntingly hard, I know. But you have to wake up each morning and choose yourself above everyone and everything. Because it's like fighting a battle with a cause. It's hard but it's for your own good. Loving yourself is a lot like a girl whose smile refuses to reach her eyes and yet she tries. It's a lot like loving a certain boy in your own little screwed up manner. He makes you feel like an imbecile but in his presence, all the pieces of your jigsaw puzzle come to life. Loving yourself is so much like a longing that you yearn for years but never truly fulfill. But you should. Your thoughts, your flaws, the ugly and the beautiful parts of your mind and your body, your broken heart, your incomplete stories - you'll grow to love each and every inch of you. It'll be hard but it'll be worth it.

But as on today, you should start loving yourself. A little more than ever.

Tune for the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKlgCk3IGBg

Sixteen.

Sixteen and naive,

You're oblivious to the possibilities of life,

Tying your fate to the boy in the next class, you dream of a future under pine trees and starlit skies.

Sixteen and unbroken,

You're yet to experience the pleasure of pain,

Strolling on the beach and building sand castles, you imagine life is always this simple.

Sixteen and brisk,

You're galaxies away from cherishing the luxury of slowing down,

Darting from one moment to another, living without a pause sounds like a true achievement to you.

Sixteen and broke,

You still haven't met the delight of owning things you lay your eyes own,

As you walk from a bookstore to a clothing store in a huge mall, you think window shopping is a feast worthy enough.

Sixteen and wide-eyed,

You're yet to travel and unravel the beauty and the mysteries of the world,

Glancing at the images in an old magazine, you wonder if you'll ever dip your feet in one of those exotic beaches.

Young and still unexposed to the realities of life, you dream and fail.

You pick yourself up each time you fall.

You will not know that you'll be offered second chances, mercies, and countless opportunities.

You will not know how it feels to get your heartbroken and heal with no one by your side.

You will not know how scary darkness is and how strongly you fight back for light.

You will not know how gratifying it is to come home with suitcases of souvenirs and heart full of memories.

You will not know how truly amazing it is to have someone by your side, who picks your battles like they're his own.

You will not know the beauty of the things you'll create and go to sleep with a satisfaction that's self-made.

Someday, you will know all this.

You must then remember, that you were destined for this.

That at sixteen, you didn't know what was in store for you.

But you were destined.

For this, and more.

Mistakes.

I have been told that to be a great writer, I must abandon fear. I must forfeit second thoughts and embrace rejection and pain at every step of my life. And that I must put my heart where my mouth is. I have been constantly told that I must place myself in the most unusual situations and gain experiences. It might not have made me a great writer, but it, at least, made me write different things.

I have been told that to be a successful professional, I must network with the right people. I must not be mad about making tons and tons of friends at my workplace. I have been told that all the magic happens right out of my comfort zone, and often, I get pushed to strut out it. I might not have a cushy corner office like Harvey Specter, but I am known for the work I do.

But no one told me how to be a pro at maintaining personal relationships. You know what I mean? Each day, as I navigate my way through the relationships I've so far made with my friends, family, confidants, or just acquaintances, I know they aren't quite thrilling in all aspects. To be honest, I screw them on and off. I've always imagined that relationships are effortless. And that they must be as simple as the pleasant breeze. No, not like the gust of wind. Never. Every night when I am alone with myself, I think of all the mistakes I've made, and as I slowly tuck them into my bed, beside me, looking into their eyes, I ask myself what made me do this. Or that. Or the exact half-baked things I've said to people. I've always imagined that mistakes come from a deeply insecure place. From a place where the brain and heart are in a conflict. But they don't. Mistakes just happen. As we keep taking chances in life and meet different people, mistakes just happen. I mean, my life isn't an isolated case, right? We all make big, fat mistakes. Mistakes that we cannot take back, mistakes that we regret, mistakes that give us sleepless nights, mistakes that sucker punch us in our hearts. However, what are we without our mistakes?

We are social animals. Sure, we receive a cartload of professional advice but no one teaches us how to deal with personal life only because it's not algebra. You learn only when you make mistakes. Only when you choose courage over comfort. You learn that maintaining relationships is not effortless and will never be. You got to wake up every morning, pick them and work hard to make them stay strong.

And tonight, when you are tucking your mistakes into the bed beside you, don't forget to tell them a hi. Don't you forget to thank them for making you strong! Don't you forget to express your gratitude that you're no longer a dick only because of them. For they have been teaching you all that you haven't learned in school or college.

This Is How You Raise Your Son!

This post is inspired from Thought Catalog's "10 Controversial Ways I Plan On Raising My Daughter." The moment I read it, I knew I had to write something similar.

People, or to be more precise, Indians are very concerned about how a girl child should be raised. You know there are a set of restrictions, and some really weird godforsaken rules that are passed on from the ancestors. Some rules are just beyond our comprehension. But I wonder why boys do not have to go through this major structure in their childhood. They are a little lucky. 

I know I am an amateur at this subject, and oh, I have no knowledge at all in this section but I really think it would be great if boys are raised up like this. (Some of the rules apply to girls too.)

1. Teach him. Teach him to respect people, and their ideas irrespective of the age. He must be able to respect people younger than him. Teach him to respect the right things. It does not really matter if the person who commits a mistake is older than him, he should be able to respect the right things only.

2. Art should be a major part of his childhood. Men who take interest in art tend to be smarter than the men who don't. They tend to be more considerate too.

Read to him in the night. Make him paint. Send him to music classes. 

Make a note that art and education should go together. 

3. Have you noticed that most of the men look for the qualities of their mother in a girl they like? It is impossible. Teach them that it is stupid. Your mother and the girl you like are two different people. No one can replace your mother. Teach them that from a very tender age.

This way they will not have any expectations.

4. Raise him without a religion, or a faith. You have been a religious chauvinist, and you know it. Do not let it get to him too. 

Give him the freedom to make his choices right from the childhood. 

5. It is okay if he fails and makes mistakes. Do not admonish him for that. 

It is alright if he scores 80%. Not everyone is meant to score 90%. In the process of abusing him for his performance at school, you are letting a 'Mozart in the making' slip away.

6. There is more to a girl than her looks, and her body. Teach him to respect women. 

This world has enough sexists already. We do not need more of them.

7. Do you find it strange that an individual changes massively after he turns into a parent? Of course, he takes up more responsibilities, and all that. But do you also realize that he turns into a selfish human being? He expects his child (boys and girls) to do everything as he wants. 

Give a break, people. They join the school, college, and an organization of your choice. You choose their friends and the person they are supposed to spend an eternity with. You choose their car, their house, its interiors and basically, everything. Why, just why do that? What is the point in raising a child when you intend to snatch their freedom from their hands when they turn 22-23? Don't you realize that you are turning your child into your replica? 

Seriously, it is not a cool thing. It is high time parents realize this.

Apart from this, we love our parents for all that they do for us. No offence.

8. It is too much for us to handle the male ego. 

Parents should raise a kid with the right amount of self esteem. Not ego.

You have male zeta ego? Good for you! Do not thrust it on others. 

9. Ask him to document his life. Give him a camera and a journal. Ask him to make memories and maintain a note of every tiny detail. Even the bad ones.

10. Travel a lot. Take him to different places. Meet different people. Introduce him to different cultures. Let him know the world. Just let him experience different things.

Let's Be Foolish!

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” 

― Ann Landers

People who have been reading my blog, and tweets sensed that I was going through a really stupid phase, and a lot of them sent me sweet emails and messages. One sweet girl sent me a book from my wishlist. I feel loved. Thank you so much!

Obnoxious and difficult. Two words that ideally describe me. You know there are millions of us who are strong and extremely stubborn when it comes to emotions. We do not compromise; we do not settle for anything less than what we deserve but at certain point, we totally break down. SO much that we are irrevocably lost in molasses of thoughts and give up on everything. Big mistake! I mean, why don't we realize that it is just a bad phase? Not a bad life.

We need to make our own mistakes. We need to learn our own lessons. Everywhere on the internet, in books and in virtual reality, you see people doling out advice. I do too. Never follow any of them. Someone will always ask you not to do the mistake they have done. Shut up, do not listen to them. Commit mistakes. In fact, make an avalanche of mistakes. Certainly, you are young and  imbecile and you can get away with being called a juvenile (We are in India. Juveniles are entitled to many privileges.) Cut yourself some slack, and do whatever you want to do. It is okay to be hurt. Don't be so hard on yourself. 

Also, this is something very important. Let relationships be relationships. Do not let them get to you. You know like do not make major sacrifices for them. Never. Remember what Lady Gaga said? “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.” 

Leaving your job, career, college and go behind a guy? Not a cool thing. Surely, never commit this mistake. 

Be the leading lady in your life. Do not let someone control you, or your emotions. If someone doesn't respect you or makes you feel inferior, do yourself a favour, and kick them out of your life. Do not stay with anyone who snatches happiness away from you. You deserve something beautiful. Listening?

Be foolish. Get high. Hang out with friends. Go out with interesting people. Read good books. Read Murakami and Pablo Neruda. Take interest in linguistic activities. Eat out at good places. Take photographs. Listen to good music. Travel a lot. Spend your money on traveling. Even if the place is just around the corner. Love yourself. And make these memories a testament to your awesome life. 

Note to self: Live the Barney Stinson life. Not Ted Mosby's!

So Did I Learn Anything?

Okhay! So I am going to be 21 in another ten days and honestly, I do not feel like that yet. I mean, I am going to be 21 and I feel like a seventeen year old person who is not serious about anything. When people say to me that I need to get serious, I have this typical deja vu feeling that keeps knocking my head periodically. 

"Hey you are going to be 21 in few days. You need to stop wearing those pink and red shoes."

Oh really? Just because I will be 21, should I dress up like Miss Havisham? Oh please, you cannot expect me to grow up overnight, okay? Besides, I will be shoe-less if I throw them away. Clueless, too! :-/

So, now the question is did I learn anything in the past twenty years?

*Scratches the head and mutters gibberish*

Oh yes! I have. I guess, I have a list. I know, I know, I make a list for every damned thing. :D

And here I go, things I have learnt:

1) Make mistakes and learn from your mistakes. A very cliched statement, right? 

Learn from your mistakes and do not flaunt your stupidity again. Well, I have learned this one for sure. :-D

2) Do not let wolves eat away your life. Your life, your rules. I have had just one wolf in my life and I am glad that that ugly (not just by heart and mind but by face too) creature does not exist in my life anymore. Good Riddance!

3) Do what you love and love what you do. Yet another cliched statement from ME! And before you come to a conclusion that I am giving out all statements from Google, I would like to say that we need to abide by this rule all the time.

4) You learn a lot from traveling too. Especially, when you travel all alone. 

Traveling, pictures, memories. Hell yeah, the best thing to do.

5) It is easy to get addicted to bad habits and having bad people around you is even more addictive. Chuck them out!

6) Been there, done that. It is a terrible
thing to grow up and act like an adult. Life is simple when you do not grow up. Being childish has it own pros and cons too but it is better that way. ;-)

And now, what I have really learned in these few (Actually, a lot) years and the past few days are:

• Learning Italian. Oh hell yes, I am. A beautiful language!
• Improving my writing abilities, getting better at clicking pictures, collecting vintage and rare stamps.
• Being a workaholic can attract expletives from your friends. ;-)
• Do not brood over things a lot. 
• Having fun- I have degrees and diplomas in this. Having fun in all weird, cranked up ways is the best thing I have learnt.

And now that I have written this total gibberish, I will get back to my 'stacking up of stamps' activity.