What If A Ghost Falls In Love With You?

Asisha and I, we take delight in talking about all the bizarre things we come across. In detail.

No, really.

We try and look for humour in every situation.

During one of our conversations, we wondered why we were still single. (The men we shoo away do not count. No offence!) She said, "Maybe, just maybe, there are ghosts who have fallen in love with us, and they keep our potential partners away from us."

Totally illogical. But we found it hilarious.

I decided to take it to the next level.

Just imagine. What if there are ghosts lurking around us? Falling in love with us. And seamlessly hoping we too would notice and fall in love with them.

Wouldn't it be ludicrous and absolutely wonderful if they send us love notes and text messages? I have no clue how a ghost can send us a text message. I have no clue how it works in the ghost world. 

But if we have found ways to explore other planets, I am sure we could find a way where ghosts can send us messages.

I am not sure. Science is not my forte.

However, I can imagine, and this is what I have. 

The messages:

Darling girl, rise and ladle yourself with some sunshine.

Sorry, I had to leave earlier than usual.

I know, I know, you hate it when I suck your blood while you're sleeping.

But I had to. I lost control over my senses. I am no sparky vampire. I am an ordinary guy.

Your blood is the sweetest I have ever tasted.

You are beautiful. 

Totally up now? I hate to stay away from you.

I am sure you must be lounging around in your tiny pajamas, reading Stephen King.

Oh, I totally forgot. You hate Stephen King, don't you?

I am sorry, baby. It is the bestseller in our world.

I saw a human walking towards you in the coffee shop. Took care of him.

What can I do baby? I get insecure.

Can't wait to get home to sing "Suck it and see" by Alex Turner for you. You like him, don't you?

You are gorgeous. 

You are.

Never fathomed I'd fall for a human.

You sweet little human.

I cannot argue with the undead. You win.

Okay. Sorry.

Let me make it up to you. Let's do something fancy tonight. How about a dinner? 

A table for two at your favourite restaurant. Poolside? 

No, you are not fat. You are absolutely gorgeous. Especially with that Instagram filter.

Especially with that make up on. Though you use #NoMakeup #IWokeUpLikeThis

No one would believe you. But I would.

You get me, baby. All day long.

P.S. This is just a figment of my imagination. But wouldn't it be delightful to fall in love with a cheerful ghost? 

Memories In Time

“I don't feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh.

"There there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do.” 

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Perhaps only love can heal love.

Cannot figure out how? Let me explain.

When I was in twelfth, I had to shift to Vizag due to some unforeseen circumstances. A change in the college, a change in the city, and miles away from home - with too many changes and uncertainties, I was terribly homesick.

I missed my parents. I missed home. 

It was the first time I stayed away from my parents, and being with my grandparents was fun, but it did not help much. I had regular bouts of home, and Hyderabad.

People who know me well, also know how much I adore Vizag. I keep saying it - it is the place to be. But I grew out of it back then. Even before I realized it, I fell in love with the city again.

I have probably written a lot about my friends in places and spaces I cannot recollect any longer, however, I have never written about the four girls who made my stay in Vizag more than wonderful, and made me fall in love with it again. With one step at a time though.

Anjani, Anuja, Niharika, and Prasanthi - you girls have contributed a lot to my happiness and bitter sadness. 

As we step into the eighth year of our friendship, I felt a testimonial to all that we cherished together had to happen.

Probably I wouldn't have put on even a little (Read a lot) weight if Niha wasn't there to feed me cake every single day. I wouldn't have known the joy in sharing food if not for Anjani and Anuja, and perhaps, I would have never taken all the critical feedback in good humour had Anjani never thrown sarcastic remarks on my face.

Maybe my walks in the rain would not have been this memorable if Niha wasn't there. Maybe I would not have bunked practicals if not for Anjani, and maybe I would have never picked fights with any friend if not for Anuja.

Maybe I wouldn't have laughed so much even when I was going through the worse days if not for these girls; and maybe I wouldn't have savoured street food so much if not for Anjani. Shopping with these girls was awfully great, and sharing our deepest secrets in the darkest of the days let me talk about things I would have never imagined I'd talk.

I have also learned how to lie most conveniently. I mean, I always had a good story to tell our principal each time we bunked a practical or a weekend exam. You see how they helped me? I started writing stories to protect me and my friends from drastic situations. I will give it you straight - my lies were an epic fail. No one ever believed me.

Vizag is a beautiful place. In many million ways, it is so simple. I wouldn't know a perfect weekend had I not watched a movie at Jagadamba, and go for a stroll at the RK beach, and make my friend walk miles in pursuit of reaching Tenneti Park. 

I would trade my place with anything to be in Vizag doing a writing job, and staying closer to my grandparents and family. 

Any day. I mean it.

If not for these girls, I might have never realized the beauty of this city, and how closely it held me during the nights I missed home

It is a home away from home, and these girls are totally family away from family. 

Like an old warm quilt.

Goodbye Blue Monday!

“It's just been a long week, that's all."
"It's monday night, Jess."
"My point exactly.” 
― Scott Westerfeld, Touching Darkness

As you read this, I am sure most of you must be heading home from work; some of you might be still stuck at work; some of you could be striving hard to meet the gory deadlines, and some of you might be thriving in your dream job.

You might be listening to the radio jockey's banter, or listening to Coldplay on your iPod; you might be sending a long message to your girlfriend, or you might be just musing over the details of your day. It does not matter. Most of us had a not-so-good day.

To talk about my Monday, it has been nothing short of a disaster.

But that is alright. I call it the change in the season. 

However, I will give it you straight--my mind has been a barn of thoughts and negative ideas today. 

Too many internal conflicts.

I did not let that affect my work today. I did not let it deter me from meeting my deadlines either.

There were a lot of things that took rounds in my mind. I decided to write them down instead, and get it over with.

This is to all you people, who are trying to come out of your dreadful day. (You might relate with a few.)

1. The last book you have read will give you sleepless nights and unwanted ideas. It will make you a better person if you let it. 

I have read If On A Winter's Night A Traveller by Italo Calvino, and I found myself being the protagonist on quite a few instances.

It gave me sleepless nights.

2. The coffee from your favourite place might taste bitter today. It is okay, your favourite waiter is having just another terrifying Monday morning.

3. The man you love will break your heart. You will feel lost beyond imagination. It is okay. He is just a human being, who finds it rather difficult to deal with his mess too. 

There are moments when it pains to even look at the person you love. Do not let it turn you into a person you aren't. No one gets to the top without being broken and beaten on their way.

4. Only love can heal love. Stop being that sulky little brat, and spread some smiles. Even if you cannot.

You got to do what you got to do. 

5. Your pet does not wish to play with you today. Do not whine. Maybe it has been too long since you treated it with something special.

We all can do with some love, here and then.

6. It is not even the 15th and you are already broke. You wish some funds would magically appear in your bank account. 

The next time, you might as well plans your investments better.

7. The pair of jeans you ordered from Forever 21 looks utterly boring and so not your style. Maybe it is an indication that you should make time for yourself to buy a pair of jeans from Mango instead of shopping for clothes online.

And if it makes you happy, buy a plenty of it. Never compromise on your luxury and happiness.

You deserve it. You know it.

8. How often have you been longing to watch a movie? Scout your watchlist for that romantic comedy or comedy drama, and watch it today. 

Laugh your heart out, or weep your guts out. You deserve a little drama along with an ice cream on a Monday.

9. No matter how hard you try, some people will leave. You will leave.

They will just turn into a lost story in your torn journal. Someday.

Let the good old memories stay.

10. A year ago, I was so badly stuck in a corporate firm doing miserable things. Even in the wildest of my dreams, I did not imagine I would come out of it and take up an actual writing job.

As I open my mailbox or inbox every morning, I end up receiving a lot of good offers, and messages from the readers of my blog and people I work with. You have no clue how glad I am when I read them, especially when I wake up to them.

Maybe your life will be absolutely beautiful if you put in an effort and truth in your work. I am not certain how long I will be here, but I am sure I have earned the courage to create and do what I love.


I hope this would make your hopeless Monday a little better. If it does not, I insist you open a notebook, and write down your thoughts and reflections. 

You can also share them with me. I will be totally glad to hear you out.

Journal Entry 537.

“When you're on your own, you look for signs. Sometimes you make them up, sometimes they're actually there, but most of the time you can't tell the difference from the two.” 

― Cecelia Ahern

January 4, 2015

I sat up whole night musing over time and how days are simply passing by. I am worried. I do not want to be the one standing alone looking at time pass.

I went over the details of my day, grimacing over the ones that were highly unpleasant, and smiling at the ones I've spent thinking about us.

I've had a terrible day, you know?

I did not just miss my deadlines, I missed my morning bus too. What if this turns into a compulsive habit? Also, did I tell you how incorrigible my new editor is? I blame you for this. If not for you, I would have just remained as a closet writer.

I have lost the track of the world around me.

And you, your thoughts never seem to go away from me.

The tears too have dried out but I haven't lose the count of the days ever since you left.

537 days. I am still counting.

Of course, there is no looking back. You told me that. But have I ever paid heed to your advice? I should have, you know? When you were still around!

Our pet has grown older, and ferocious. I can tell you, he misses you. He looks for you in every stranger. Your mother longs to treat you with the chocolate cake you loved as a child. Your father hopes you would magically appear at our doorstep every morning. No one can fill your void at his chess table.

And I? I wish I could tell you I am brave enough to wait forever but I miss my morning sunshine, waking up to your lazy smile and sleepy voice asking for a cup of coffee, and your warm breath at the nape of my neck.

I wish you were still here.

To experience more of my words and its enigma, flowers and their enticing fragrance, dandelion seeds and their sly quirks, sky and its endless hope. I want you to just remember that I have started loving the beauty of the world only after I fell in love with you.

Even the sapling we first planted together has grown into a giant tree bearing sweet smelling fruit.

I wish you stayed. I wish you weren't gone already.

Grow Old With Me!

I walked out of the railway station with the heart on my sleeve; my eyes wandered for you in the crowd. I tucked my stray curls perfectly behind my ears, when I felt your arms around my shoulder and your lips at the nape of my neck.

I missed you. I stuttered and failed to put it in words.

I let out a deep sigh. You looked so debonair even in those black pants and white shirt. 

Long distance was not easy. In fact, it was excruciating. However, looking at you, at that very moment, I have realized it was worth it.

You did not let me go out of your sight. Your car and its familiarity took me on a long trip of nostalgia.

You said I have changed a lot. I said you have changed a great deal too.

But your quirks still remained unaltered. The way you slightly hum a song while driving to your smile that calms my nerves—you haven’t changed! You were still that beautiful man who made my world pleasant.

You still gave me flutters. You still gave me the butterflies.

You were still your charming self.

I looked at the rose you slyly put on my lap when I tried to explain you the details of my journey. You paid attention even when the radio was playing your favourite song.

As the car passed through the post box that was beaten out of shape, I remembered your first letter to me, “I want to grow old with you.”

At 50, we are still growing older. Together!

We crossed a tiny coffee shop later. We called it our secret place, remember? We used to meet here often, in pursuit of exchanging letters, books, and gifts. I still remember all those poems you've written for me. And the letters, the letters are still treasured in a suitcase under our bed.

As we parked the car in our community parking lot, and walked towards our home, we passed the park. I remember how we met here for the first time. You were with your golden retriever, and I was with my book.

We met every Sunday after that.

As we reached home, I remembered the lovely moment when I stepped into this place 25 years ago. The note you left that day, “Make my house into our home with your words, our love, and the sunshine.”

The note is still nailed to our mirror.

Over the past few years, many things have changed. Our tiny bed has been replaced by a king size one; our Videocon television has been replaced with a swanky flat screen; our Yashica’s roll camera has been replaced with a Nikon digital camera; my typewriter has been replaced with a desktop.

Everything has turned obsolete except our love for each other.

I walked into the kitchen to see our coffee filter damaged beyond repair. You have done it again. Is this our 15^th filter or the 16^th? I have even lost the count.

I walked into the bedroom to find you unpack my bags. You looked a little exhausted. 

You looked frail.

We were growing old together. You wanted it, didn't you? 

You were with me when I published my first story, and I was with you when you made your first fortune. You stood by my side when my parents left the world, and I never let you go when your pet died. You mocked my failed attempts at tying a saree while I suppressed my giggle watching you wear a dhoti. You were there when I panicked on turning 30, and I was there when you spotted your first grey hair.

We were there for each other. Even when one of us fell apart. 

As you noticed me standing behind you, you looked at me with your eyes full of warmth and affection. You smiled at me. Just the way you used to when you were 25.

I missed you. And I still cannot fathom why I cannot put it into words.

Your words!

Summer love, lingering thoughts, anxious nights;
Let the Monsoon hold a different charm with your words.

2014 So Far!

“You raze the old to raise the new.” 

― Justina Chen, North of Beautiful

2014 has been quite unpredictable, and on many occasions, it was disappointing and excruciating too. No matter what I say, it has been a great learning experience, but I wish to go on a holiday from the grand learning experience.

I am not sure if I have anything much to say, but I just do not want to break the ritual of writing the end of the year post.

1) As you all know, I was a corporate slave, doing things I hated and absolutely did not care for. When my manager said I was not good enough, I am glad I paid attention to it. I moved on to a job I cared in the pursuit of creating something beautiful instead of trying to get myself into another corporate rut.

2) It does not come as a surprise to me when I say there are very few friends with whom you can pick where you left. I am glad I have them, and I would not go overboard to say I love them, but I am almost there.

These people have stood by my side all the time. Though they were royally absent in my happiness, they never gave up on me in my distress.

3) The best way to know if you can trust someone is by trusting them. If you are willing to put your trust in them, I am sure they are worth the effort. 

4) If not for reading and writing, I would not even be half the person I am.

The sorcery of words, beauty of letting you dive into a whole new world, introducing people of different ideologies and tastes are amazing.

Perhaps the beauty of emotions is always spoiled when I try to talk about them. But when I write them, they sound surreal. But real!

5) I've lost and let go off too many people this year. You can take my word for it-I have made peace with myself by forgiving them.

But it does not mean the broken things can be repaired. Not yet.

6) There is this one person who has the ability to bring out the best and the worst in me, bringing out the child in me, making me do things I probably never imagined, saying things I would not even dare to say in the wildest of my dreams.

This person is not the sunshine to my life. Oh no, definitely not! But it sure feels like sunshine when this person is around me.

And even when I claim not to throw tantrums with this person, I always do. I know it, but I argue otherwise.

7) There is really no antidote to pain and loss.

But red velvet cupcakes and tiramisu take care of the pain. Temporarily!

8) When you really like someone, it does not even matter what you are going through or willing to go through for them.

9) Solitude and silence are beautiful beyond imagination. Living all by myself on the days my parents are away, cooking for myself, cleaning my space, and reading, ah! Needless to say, the best things always come in tiny packages.

10) Over the last 6 months, I set a record of wearing just black. Mostly! My mother is wondering if I am wearing the same outfit every day, and my colleague keeps asking me if I'd ever get bored of it.

I think I should buy some colours the next year. My mourning outfits need to go on a break.

11) I have turned into a bigger caffeine addict. I am trying to cut down but I think I would fail. Miserably! 

12) I have made some real time investments this year. I am a little proud of myself.

13) I sold my first story. More details soon.

14) I have lost the interest in making conversations, and I am hoping it would turn into a lost art. 

15) While writing, you always need a good editor. An editor who can edit your work relentlessly, calling it a piece of trash, and sit for long hours with you, trying to beat sense in your slightly delusional mind, by correcting your grammar and replacing mundane words with graceful ones. You need this editor to read out Abbe Prevost or Proust to you. 

Phew! I had a tough time listing out these things, and most of them do not make any sense. But this year has just been tumultuous, you know?

As I close my eyes, I can now remember the good things--reuniting with lost friends, rekindling forgotten emotions, meeting your teacher and the first editor who inspired you to do something beautiful, late night conversations, sleepovers, writing my first Haiku poem, meeting fabulous people, discovering great musicians, painters and writers, looking at this person eating ice-cream like a child, embracing friendships that are beyond geographical restrictions, writing more than ever, turning into a braver person, earning the ability of expressing what I like and what I do not, not putting up with people who harm me, and pushing myself to work for the things that matter.

I have always loved myself above everything, and I will always. That is a promise!

To everyone who has been a part of my life and this post this year, thank you. For contributing bits and pieces of your life into mine! You add stars to my memories.

Here's to growing older, flying time, wasted nights, haunting dark circles, beautiful memories, smiles and laughter, broken promises, words and conversations, love and a lot like it. Happy 2015!

And now 2015, can you just grow my bangs already? I feel like a goof with this haircut.