Battling Eyelids and Stories.

Sleepless night.

Restless morning.

I have been told that we must pick our battles wisely. Although I'd like to call myself a strong advocate of it, I find some battles too enticing to not succumb to them. But I won't blame myself for the temptations, of course, because life (pause for a dramatic effect)....is obtrusively mean. It throws oodles of curve balls at you hoping you'd catch them. It says the ball is in your court not knowing that I want to tame all that comes my way. So when this curve ball of something too good to be true made its way towards me, I ran for shelter instead of taking a leap of faith.

I mean, what a shame! For all the tall promises I make and the advice I give away ever so freely, I am bad at taking my own advice. But then, we must pick our battles wisely, shouldn't we? And the certain unsettling calm that embraces you before the battle? Pick that also wisely, man. Only if you want to.

Avoid the calm. Avoid the battle.

End of the story.

Dressmaker.

It's been quite long since I've had the opportunity to watch a movie at peace without just scanning through the interesting parts of it. There was a phase in my life when I wouldn't go to sleep without watching a movie every night. I am glad the lack of such days has made me appreciate cinema more than ever.

I happened to watch 'Dressmaker' today and while I thought Liam Hemsworth, the blue-eyed boy, was dreamy even in such a short (and maybe an underrated) role, it was Kate Winslet who took the cake for being so enchanting. It looked like she breathed into the character with all her grace, beauty and everything nice.

Well, it's almost midnight and this movie has made me go all teary eyed. It's always amazing when you see something where the characters, despite being subjected to pain and loss, absolutely resurrect themselves and create something beautiful with their lives. I wouldn't call this a brilliant movie, but bits and pieces of it have surely left me in tears. And oh, not to forget, a sleepless night with countless thoughts to call mine. For ages now, I've been meaning to read Dressmaker by Rosalie Ham and after watching the movie, I cannot wait to read it.

On that note, I'll leave you with a simple line from the movie that I loved, and it should remind us to keep doing things even when we think the whole world is against us.

"You can create. You can transform people. That's very powerful."

Choice.

Love knocks at your door when you least expect it. When love comes into your life, you'll hear music, you'll feel a gust of the wind all around you. Love enters your life just when you are busy making other plans. It comes when it's ready for you. It comes only when you stop looking for it.

Big fat sickening lies.

The myths of love are the kind of ridiculous fables that we have been fed ever since we were born. Love does not come looking for you. It just does not. Love might be serendipity, but it's not written in your destiny. Falling in love with someone is a choice you make. Love is a living, breathing invitation for you to pick your battles and fight for the person you choose every waking hour of your life. Even when the chips are falling. Just the way you fight for your family every day.

The funny part about love is that everyone wants to experience its grandiosity but no one understands the process that it comes along with. No, it doesn't just come along with music and pleasant breeze, it comes along with thorns and darkness. It comes with insanity and madness. But it's definitely not coming knocking at your door because, like life, even love comes with choices.

You'll find a lot of choices. You'll find idiots who give you leftover parts of them in the name of love, idiots who'll give you all their words that never match their actions. That's not love, duh. And that easily comes knocking at your door, which you don't need. Love comes in the form of a boy who makes you look forward to your Monday mornings. He doesn't give you flutters or butterflies, he only makes you feel like a warm fuzzy ball. It comes in the form of a boy who makes a fool out of himself to make you laugh when you're in tears. He'll call you beautiful even when you are crying and he'll be happy to just co-exist with you. Love comes in the form of a boy who notices you with a little or no effort even when you are invisible.

Sure you don't have to move mountains for finding such 'love' because all you need to do is make that choice. To fall in love.

It's a Roller Coaster Ride.

This world is a strange place. In this strangely beautiful world, people need people. But sometimes, people also cannot co-exist with people. Our mind functions in a mysterious manner when it comes to people. When we are looking to buy a mobile phone, we buy them without a second thought. The numbers on its price tag do not matter. I, for instance, have always been amazing at trusting things over people. It has become so seamless that I've slowly settled into that pattern - of never understanding people but investing my emotions and effort on things.

What do people think? What are their emotions? What is that specific person feeling right now? What's on your mind? What's not on your mind? With a 100 million thoughts lurking in your head every time you think about a few people, it just feels like a never ending trip on a roller coaster. The ones who are cautious to get on it are equally scared as the ones who are at a distant, observing the flows of the roller coaster.

With so many apprehensions in your mind, you might as well get on the roller coaster. Maybe you'll enjoy the trip if you get on it. People and their emotions too are just like this. Like a roller coaster that has its horrid turns and remarkable highs. But you'll never be the one to know if you are standing at a distance while staring and questioning the depth.

Of Mundane Things and Changes.

Often we have days in our lives when we are overwhelmed with infinite emotions and think so much is happening. On days like this, time seems to run. Right now, though I am surrounded by myriad thoughts and emotions, but it looks like time is moving slowly, strangely walking beside me and moving at the pace of a snail. I've read three books this week. I've written like a mad person. I have met friends, and I have managed to find some time for watching a movie too. I'm telling you, time doesn't seem to rush or push.

On the 16th, I've completed a year at my workplace. As work anniversary isn't really a thing, no one wished me. No one got me a red velvet cupcake with buttercream frosting. And even when I sulked about it, my friends only pulled my leg. A year ago, these people were absolute strangers. I mean, you know, what I mean? Now, I exercise the liberty to cry, fight and narrate even the most rudimentary bits and pieces of my life to them. I still find it unbelievable that so much has changed in a year.

Something that hasn't changed much is how well I manage to sprain my leg time and again. I might have spent the evening of my work anniversary over lattes at a beautiful coffee shop, but the sprain in my leg reminded me that there are very few things in life that never change. Like coffee, meaningful conversations, great friends, and good music. They all come with their vices and pleasures.

You Do Not Know Me.

You do not know me. You think you do.

Between the tall glasses of milkshakes and cups of coffee,

You think you've figured out the whisper behind my smile.

As you look into my eyes and I into yours,

You think you know the story behind my brown eyes.

You do not know me. You only think you do.

Our laughter beyond the sound of music,

Between your rolling secrets and my hidden candor,

You think you've read me like a book that never

belonged to you.

But you do not know me. You only think you do.

My ideas, my ideals.

My stories, my grief.

My tears, my promises.

My darkness, my pleasures.

You think you know it all like your ecstasy.

You think you've touched every layer of my soul.

But you haven’t.

For you, I am always a mystery.

One that never unfurls for you.

For you, I am always a mystery.

SUNDAY SUNDAZE.

When I was a teenager, I terribly wanted to be treated like a grown-up. When I was fifteen, I wanted grown-ups to appreciate me for the kind of books I read instead of treating me like a kid. When I was sixteen, I wanted them to ask me for music suggestions than treat me like a clueless teenager. And when I was seventeen, I could not wait for my eighteenth birthday. To be eligible to vote and to be officially entitled to do all that I ever wanted. When I turned eighteen, I would shove it in everyone's faces that I was an adult. Every time, I had an argument with my parents, I would strictly tell them that I was eighteen and that they cannot talk to me in an indifferent tone.

Clearly, I could not wait to grow up. Clearly, I did not realize being an adult would be only about buying brilliant pairs of clothes and shoes while trading the little joys of life. Clearly, I was quite signing myself up for a grand disappointment.

At 24, I am doing things that I should have done as a teenager. I read Young Adult fiction and enjoy it. I watch sappy teenage drama and sitcoms of the like. I mean, being an adult might not be as bad as it sounds, but being 17 was a lot merrier. At 17, you are spoilt for choices in myriad ways. Something that being an adult doesn't offer you on a silver platter, and the worst part is you want to behave like you are still seventeen. Reckless, with no responsibilities and lead a life where you don't have to think twenty times before you act.

On the contrary, I was rather organized as a teenager. I was one of those geeks who finished college assignments on time and did things with a conviction that 24-year-old Sunaina hasn't mustered yet. I had all these amazing plans that I would wear only black and white formals to work as an adult but I wear Spongebob and Batman merchandise often. What's worse? I hated Taylor Swift as a teenager, but these days, I listen to her more often than I should.

I could go on and on with this list, and there will be no end because what the hell, I am Benjamin Button-ing!

Wow.