Woman, You Are Not Safe!

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”
– Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

She loved the desolate streets.

She believed her thoughts thrived while walking through the isolated, stark dark streets.

Today was different. She was ecstatic. She sold her first story.

“I sold my first story, I sold my first story, I sold my first story,” she repeated these lines to herself, grinning widely from one ear to another. What would delight a writer more than that?

Being delusional was one of her occupational hazards, because she totally assumed she was safe to go home. Alone!

As she walked in those streets, she realized that someone was following her, because she could hear footsteps behind her. Vaguely, but certainly!

What she did not realize was that he would try to harm her. She also did not realize she would use her pepper spray on him. Practically, it was lying around in her bag since two years, but she never had to use it anyone. Following that incident, she did not realize she would entirely abandon the desolate streets she once loved, look at the men around her in suspicion though they meant no absolute harm. She was safe, but she could not get that incident out of her head.

No surprises there, she did not stay in that quagmire for longer than she intended to. She let go of it, because it was not even worth a thought, if you know what I mean?

This is my story. This is your story. Oh wait, this is the story of your best friend too. I am sure her sister too has a similar story. In a  nutshell, this is the story of every woman I meet, and I cannot even put it in numbers on how many such stories I hear time and again.

“WOMAN! You are not safe,” my family utters every time I decide to go out.

Maybe they are right. Maybe they know if anything ever happens to me, all I would get is a candle march.

I will get nothing else. Zilch. Nada.

However, that would not stop me from doing what I got to do. Actually, it shouldn’t.

This is my two cents to every woman out there:

You are not safe.

If you are assuming you are a sleeping beauty, or some damsel in distress who will be rescued by a man, you are mistaken.

If you are secretly hoping the government would come to your help, you are totally hallucinating.

If you are imagining the women who see you going through the mess come to deal with your mess, you are demented.

They will be sorry, but that is all they will do.

Instead, let us accept that you are not safe. Because that is what makes our lives simpler!

Carry two cans of pepper spray cans if you must, but do not go anywhere without it. Keep your phones charged all the time. Let people know where you are.

Download SOS-Stay Safe application to your smartphone. And if you think your parents are stopping you from having fun, let me tell you this - You are not safe!

No matter where you are, do not get worked up. You will need to deal with the situation all by yourself. Your love for yourself must protect you even during the most awful situations because only you can take care of yourself.

Just to get things straight, let me repeat it again for you. You are not safe because you live in a country where people worship Goddesses yet prey on the same fraternity. You are not safe because more than half the population actually consider you as an object of pleasure. You are not safe because the law of your country seems to work against your best interests. Not intentionally, however, not unintentionally either.

But you know you are entitled to be safe. 

Because you deserve more than just a godforsaken candle march.

Do Men Cry?

“Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I am in a dilemma. Do men cry?

You know since when? Ever since ever. I cannot recollect.

But I remember watching Sherlock. (I can imagine my friends rolling their eyes, and mumble, "Oh no, not again.") 

You know the scene where Benedict Cumberbatch delivers a wedding speech in Watson's wedding? How quite endearing! Now, do not ask me why I thought if men cried when I watched that episode but maybe, a woman would have definitely cried in that moment. Seriously!

I digress.

As we all know, we live in a wonderful society. Our society does not approve men crying. We have heard, "Do not cry like a girl." I mean what, just what is a man supposed to do if he wants to cry? Our society has reserved weeping for women and anger for men. It is a very convenient choice that our folks made ages ago. Sweet life!

If a woman is sad or depressed, she cries. She cries her heart out and eats some ice-cream. I really want to know what a man does when he goes through emotional trauma. Does he hang out with the boys for a few drinks?  Does he listen to Taylor Swift? (In that case, he'd rather turn into a rock and be complacent.) Does he sleep for 48 hours straight? Does he secretly cry in the washroom? Or does he turn into a sadist? How does he get over the sad stuff, and all that? 

Emotions aren't gender biased. Okay? 

If a woman is crying, a man too should, right? So, why can't I see a man crying anywhere around me? (My friend, Anirudh, would just roll his eyes and claim that men are slaves to their emotions too and weep all the time. This boy could root for men and call them gold.)  

Some surveys (God knows who does these surveys. I have never been asked anything for a survey. Never. Ever.) prove that men tend to show their anger when they are sad or depressed. It seems like a plausible argument. But a lot of things can make a man cross. How would you be SO sure that he is angry because he is sad?

We all get hurt. We all have different ways of handling pain and trauma.

We all cry at some point in our lives. When it comes to women, the tear glands are forever active. It is quite astonishing how a 'sold out' sign-board on a pair of shoes you lusted for makes you cry for a week. And when it comes to men, even the biggest problem does not much make them wince. 

I am curious. I want to know what men do when they are sad and depressed. Do they cry? 

P.S. I will believe that a man can be emotional and vulnerable only when I see at least a considerable amount of men cry. Like women do.

And no, a baby boy weeping his guts out does not count. 

You, Why Don't You Just Be A Man?

Oh, so you just abused a woman!

You feel very masculine.

You must be wallowing in pride, right? Of course, you think you have attained manhood by behaving like an animal.

How many times have you come across a friend, who is having a hard time plodding her way out of an abusive relationship? A majority of women, all over the world get abused in several forms and it is quite appalling that despite a lot of initiatives, this hasn't reduced.

Of course, who takes initiatives seriously? You burn a candle in the name of the victim, walk for a while, take a pledge and forget about it altogether. 

You think it is alright to be abused by your man, best-friend, father, brother. You don't realize the gravity of the situation. You don't understand that, little by little, your confidence is getting crippled. Everyday!

Sometimes, you desperately want to do something about it. But you cannot! Because we live in a society where 75% of us think it is alright for a man to abuse a woman. He is a man, they say. He fends for the family and has his dilemmas, they say. If not the woman he loves the most, whom would he vent out on, they ask.

Pray, tell me, how? 

I am not sure why few men think it is their birth right to abuse women. If you are thinking it makes you look masculine and all that, trust me you are the most emasculative person ever. 

I am sorry that you are under the assumption that demoralizing a woman would make you masculine, superior, and all the metaphors that follow. Don't you realize that you are such a weak person that you cannot handle your own complications and you simply decide to disparage a woman by displaying your muscular strength? You are ridiculous! Accept it.

Women, your self respect can be damaged, you can be humiliated, you can be brutally hurt but nothing can actually take away what you are unless you succumb to it. And I hope you do not.

Open your eyes, and look around! Do you see those men who are chivalrous, civilized, and respect women? No matter how they are, no matter what they are going through, they choose to respect. They choose to love. They choose to protect. They choose to behave like men. 

Now, you!

Why don't you try to be a man?

I Hate You. I Am Not Playing Hard To Get!

It's astonishing how few men fail to understand that you plainly do not like them. Does it ever happen to you? You know you clearly tell a guy you don't even have a tiny iota of interest in him, and yet he fails to decipher that simple statement and labels you as a woman who is playing hard to get. Like, really?

Stop hallucinating. Seriously. If a woman likes you, why in the world would she play hard to get? She might definitely fool around for a day or two but months? No idiot will play hard to get for several months, okay? If a woman really likes you, she wouldn't want to waste much time fooling around you. She exactly wants the same thing that you want. I cannot fathom how men hallucinate SO much when it comes to this. I mean, yes, women whine a lot but they get accustomed to the reality sooner or later. But the creepy men? Well, they never do. How do you have so much patience to irk the poor woman in every possible way? 

It is a known fact that we all like people that we cannot get. For instance, my eternal love for Jude Law or Ian Somerhalder. (Fine, stop rolling your eyes, I'll shut my mouth.) Men, to be specific, find this typically challenging. Though, sometimes, women like to play the mind games. I admit. But not with everyone, alright? We play mind games with the men we like. And if we really like you, we will talk to you, even if we are busy, even if we are dreaming our guts out in that neverland, we will talk to you. It is as simple as that. If we are ignoring you, it just means that we are not interested in you. Dear men, you don't need a PhD in psychology to understand this, do you?

Sometimes, it is outright annoying to receive e-mails and messages from people whom you so badly want to ignore. It is creepy. I have zero tolerance levels and I cannot put up with this non-sense. Women totally do appreciate it when men like them. But you know, there is a saturation point for the appreciation too. At some point, we lose it. We wouldn't like to carry a crappy burden on ourselves for an eternity. And if you lack the basic understanding skills to acknowledge this, please go hang yourself. Also, congratulations! You are unfit for a relationship. If you fail to understand such a simple thing, you cannot understand the complicated things that come and fall flat on your face when you are in a relationship. It's ludicrous, isn't it?

Now, let me just repeat it again. I am not playing hard to get. I am just trying to get away from creepy men like you who plan their entire lives around women. What a shame! 

Women-The Famous Drama!

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” 

― Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

You know how much I love this quote? I mean, I sort of consider it as a holy line whenever I do things that I am not really proud of. Like seriously, we do not have to be well behaved all the time, do we?

I digress.

Alright, I know I have been passing quite disdainful remarks about men and their haughty nature and whoa, quite a female attention my blog grabbed there but we all know the famous, old school quote that says no one is perfect. It pretty much speaks for this post. 

(This post is majorly about the common mistakes that I do in massive amounts. Some of you ladies are pretty wonderful and come without any drama and all that. I wonder how. But yes, I hope you don't find this post condescending. Cheers!)

Women are complicated. I accept it. Honestly, there are times when I wonder why we do few things. But we are women. And that is how we are. We act without using our brains. Ah, now that is where men earn brownie points because women are world class experts at acting without thinking. We have created a niche for ourselves in that sector and boy, men can never beat us there. Ha!

Let us dive deep. Women are wonderful, amazing, pretty mothers, sweet sisters, lovable partners and all that. But we are outrageous. We surely do understand herculean issues easily and take it in own stride but the petty issues are never forgotten. Never! Our drama is epic. Of course, it is pointless and baseless as ever. Still, it is epic.

The other day, I had a nasty fight with my friend and I bashed him badly. It didn't end there. He knocked some sense into my head and I got the taste of my own medicine. For instance, I am an obnoxious (Thank you) idiot and the things I do depend on my mood. I might love you a lot but if my mood is not okay, well, I am a neurotic person let out on loose and if my mood is okay, I am my adorable self. . 

There are moments when people are extremely busy and they might not have time for us. Women don't take it very easily. We build several stories and create a plot in our head which is ouch, miserable. Why do we this? But we are women, and that is how we are.

We take Dr. Suess tad too bit seriously. On a serious note, it does not work out this way most of the times. I fathom why! 

There are moments when everything is just so outright positive and we crave for imperfection. When there is an imperfection, we pine for perfection. One moment, when we are sweet and caring, the other moment, we are cold and crabby. We love challenges and anything that is less than challenging is so boring and routine for us though I am in a Please-No-More-Challenges mood right now.

We love men, and try everything to change them, and when they change, we shun them saying, "You know what? You aren't the same anymore. I don't think it is working out." CLASSIC! 

Sometimes, I wish we were like men-no drama, more understanding, more sensible, less emotional baggage. But we are women and we are loved for what we are. Despite all the drama and insecurities, we care. We don't portray our emotions like men. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Remember? (What the hell am I saying! Boo)

The major point-All men are cut from the same cloth. Men function similarly. Kind of. Almost. But women don't and never expect two women to act just the same. Yes, when one woman is sane and all that, the other woman is all about being cold and obnoxious; bickering and being loud doesn't mean we care anything less. We are women and this is how we are wired. It is hazardous to be stuck in a process of figuring us out. Let us be! *Girl Power*

Are Women Emotionally Strong?

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” 

― Joseph Conrad

"Women are emotionally weak and they need men to do everything in their lives." Let us all pause for a moment and assess how true this statement is. Actually, it is not true at all. It is a fallacy. I have been listening to this statement a lot lately and I believe women need men as much as men need women. How long are we going to live in a state of denial saying men are stronger than women? Yes, definitely, men are considered to be the stronger sex and women are considered as the weaker and the fairer sex. However, I am referring to the emotional strength here.

We, women, cry out a lot. We do not do a great job in bottling up our fears and feelings. Men do not cry. It is a rarity. And they do a perfectly great job in covering up their feelings. In most of the cases, they do not discuss the problems, they tend to postpone them. But I am not blaming them here. They are wired that way and women are wired in an entirely different way. 

I would not agree that women are emotionally weak. Women are surely stronger than men when it comes to emotions. But there are few instances where we go wrong. For instance, we depend a lot. On men. Not just on our platonic partner, we depend on our father, guy friends, uncles etc. And when they deny us something, we think that is the end of the world. That doesn't mean we cannot handle our situations. We can. It is just that we depend too much and give a lot in relationships. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in those relationships and give in so much that it hurts like shit when we come out of them. It is like we leave a part of ourselves there and move out. 

Like Joseph Conrad said, it is an incredibly different task to be a woman. We multitask, we over think, we over analyze, and create situations that have never existed and might never exist. But our problems don't just end here. Like an icing on the cake, men complicate our lives. Now, do not get me wrong there. Men, in spite of being chivalrous, nice and all that, they are extremely ridiculous. And whoever said women are complicated and are tough to figure out surely did not understand the fact that we deal with men, and their massive male zeta ego. Oh please, let me just not get there. It is a taboo zone.

The other day my girl friend, Saubhagya called me up and spoke a great deal, and asked, "How did we land up in such a mess, Miss P(A strange way of regarding me as Miss Patnaik)?" Now, that is a million dollar question, the answer to which is umm..I don't know. Women are emotionally stronger. Let me tell you why! We crib, and demand for attention and emotional security but we reach a point where we realize that we don't want to be an emotional baggage on the person we love the most. Men are strange. They can be an emotional baggage and a messy one at that. But they do not want to put up with our emotions. What a shame! We do not shy away from problems. We discuss them openly and get over them eventually. It is a painfully slow process though. Even when men hurt women repeatedly, women pull themselves together and well, get with it. I mean, just because we cry a lot it doesn't mean we are weak. It is not a sign of vulnerability. It is just a sign of losing love and affection and I can vouch for that. 

In every case, women are emotionally stronger. Crying out loud isn't a sign of emotional weakness. Anyway, all we need is a pair of new shoes to make our lives better. And oh boy, men need a lot. They pretend to be groovy and all that. But they are world class sulk-ers. (A word like that doesn't exist.)

Welcome to the World of Delusion!

India is a wonderful, wonderful country. We are meticulously outstanding in almost every sector and when I talk about every sector, well, I mean every sector, and delusion happens to be just one of those sectors. Sweet life! Of course, no country is perfect. Every country has flaws but we have mastered this art. Totally!

We marinate ourselves in various fallacies (All of us do. No one is an exception), and like the American Dream, our Indian Dream is quite a tale. And here we go...

It is a universal truth that most of the Indians are engineers. Well, I appreciate the fact that India is the country that produces the highest number of engineers every year but let us not get carried away with that, okay? "Only engineering can fetch you a job ya! Because medicine is too challenging, do engineering and get into an MNC ya! Arts does not fetch you a cushy job with a fat pay-check." This is a very common house-hold statement. What is it that we hold against Arts? I mean, really. If your child really wants to be a techie, well, let him be, and if he wants to be an artist, do not stop him. Just get over this engineering fad, alright. Hello parents, are you listening? 

We are shamelessly unaware of the American and English organizations. We want our children to work for Indian MNCs like we owe them something. I have this friend who works for Electronic Arts (EA), and EA is supposed to be the big daddy of the gaming industry and his relatives ask, "Why can't you work for Infosys? What is EA, anyway?" *Poker face* And yes, our folks have another misconception: An engineer can get into any organization. And do anything. I am a computer science engineer and no, I certainly don't know why the air conditioner is acting strange. Give me a break!

Women are supposed to master the culinary skills. And do you know what happens if they don't? They simply don't get married. Aila! It is strange how a woman is assessed on the basis of her culinary skills, dressing skills, the number of guy friends she has, the sort of the college she goes to and the metaphors. And everything has to be perfect. No sir, we are not Aamir Khan. We have our own trepidations, endowments, dignity and stuff. Yes, cooking for your man is not a wrong thing but that is not the only thing and if you say a woman's place is still in the kitchen, please, just hang yourself.

People from the same community flock and breed and whatever together! I know, that is hopeless. But this is India and we are in a sad state. I don't understand, what is it about this community, religion, caste system? Yes, apart from the foolishness, what is it really about? If Mahatma Gandhi and Ambedkar revisit our country now, they would be astonished. Wouldn't they just think that our country hasn't improved even a wee bit ever since their demise? I believe they would, because, we have been developing since decades. On a serious note, we talk about globalization, we brag about modernization, we discuss how our country can progress, we blame our neighbouring countries for a decline in our development rate and that is it, talking is all that we can do. We do not realize that it us. Well, this belief cannot change overnight but hasn't it been too many nights? Take a break, guys! Or I might just come out with another post-The Never-ending saga of Indian parents and their drama. The drama is just so mainstream, and weird and, oh yes, you lost me at your nugatory thought.

Our politicians lecture about secularism (My foot!) but they don't follow it. They are religion/community/caste/sub-caste/same surname (if there is such thing) obsessed, and it is such a shame that these people get elected and stand as the role-models of our country. I am vexed with this system but...truth be told, we choose our Government. So, yeah!!!

I wish I could write more but yawn, this is just getting too long and I don't want anyone to stop reading mid-way. Tata!

And oh, this is our Indian dream-an engineering qualification, a cushy job, a partner of parents' choice, and then, parents decide when you should bring a new life into existence, then, sadly, life is almost done living your parents' dream (Oops! The Indian dream) and we die in peace! Sweet, sweet life!

Disclaimer: India is my country and I love it. I hold no disrespect against anyone. No, I swear!  

Damsel (s) in Distress!

So after a great day with my best friend, I come home to realize that my mother and my grand-parents are extremely worried and shocked at my audacity (oh really?) of staying out after 7:30 in the evening. Well, let me just thank the lecherous men we see on and off these days...yes, the same men who treat women as their private property. And let me just thank them again for I am almost grounded for the first time ever.

It took some time for my blithe mind to grasp the gravity of the gory Delhi case. Having said that, I must also admit that I haven’t ignored the news, which makes me shudder each time I see/read about it in the media.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of peace walks, public protests to bring in radical changes, Facebook statuses, tweets, Facebook profile pictures, chain e-mails etc. And sadly, people expect the whole lot of cranked up molesters to change overnight. Tch tch! Who are we kidding anyway? While people were protesting against such atrocities, a few more similar cases were reported in Delhi.

Everywhere around the world, we see “Indians” bragging about modernization, globalization, implying the importance of women and their transition from the archaic times to the current period. Practically and sadly, we do not see much transition. In fact, I see no transition at all. Honestly, the olden days seem to be better.


And then creeps in the “oh-so-famous” conjectures and baseless theories about women, their behaviour, their attire, and the list just goes on. These incidents remind me of this wonderful book called ‘A Calendar Too Crowded’ that I have read a year ago. This book talks about the twelve months in the life of a woman and the final cause of the book is to create an awareness to protect women and their rights. Books and stories like these can bring in such awareness but like everything, even this awareness begins at home. We need to see more of books like these which depict reality rather than painting a glossy picture of women, their happiness and their safety.
Instead of suppressing girls and their interests at home, it is rather advisable to instill some ethics into boys. No, seriously! Our country has come a long way in terms of technology, education, art, cinema, innovation etc. And women have contributed a lot. A lot is an understatement though. Despite all these facts, we still see terrible treatment meted out against women.

A stricter law, a better use of technology, more awareness, more education in schools, and of course, severe punishments will definitely help. India is the only country that shows sheer respect towards Goddesses and it is such an irony that we pray and prey on the same fraternity. Such a shame!